When insomnia robs me of my rest
Or nightmares fill my dreams
If the past comes back to haunt me
And I can't drown out the screams

There is always a bottle nearby
That is screaming to be drained
Promising to help me through the day
And make everything fade away

The Vodka, Whiskey, and Rum are near
To take away all my fears
And when I am in need of help
I turn my attention towards that shelf

These bottles never judge me
Or tell me I need to stop
They are always so accepting
And sometimes all I've got

So Drink away the sadness
Empty bottles numb the pain
Each shot takes away the memories
As the liquid burns throuh the veins
-source


OK, so as you all can see, I found my way back.
When I initially started induction, I was incredibly gung ho about the whole thing. I bought all the right groceries and set up my bedroom as an exercise den. I printed out lists of induction foods and their net carb amounts, and taped them to my desk for quick reference.
I started consuming copious amounts of water, well over 100oz daily.
I realize now that I was using my eagerness to mask something else.
Alcoholism.
My name is Gene and I'm an alcoholic.
...I guess...
I give myself this distinction because of the amount and frequency I was accustomed to drinking, and because I have heard and read repeatedly that once you become an alcoholic you are always an alcoholic, but possibly in recovery.

During my first couple months of induction, I followed the diet very closely, with only a couple slip ups(aside from the alcohol).
What I wasn't sharing though, was that I was drink approx, a half a liter of Scotch every night. If you can't get a mental image of how much that is, the big "handle" bottles are 1.75L. It would take me three days to drink an entire bottle, so I am giving a conservative estimate of half a liter. That is allot of liquor to be pumping through my liver on a daily basis, I know. The situation wasn't made better about 6 months ago when I had lab tests done and my doc told me that my liver function was great. This was all I needed to keep that train rollin'. So, when I started induction I had every intention of stopping, but I was able to convince myself that since Scotch has 0 carbs I could get by ok.
We all know this to be false, especially anyone who has read the book.
I initially lost about ten pounds, but have hovered in that same zone ever since. I have gone up and down, at one point even getting to 325. I blamed it on a lack of exercise, but I knew deep down inside what the deal was. I tried several times to stop drinking. I was unable to find the will power to stop myself from stopping in the liquor store, which is unfortunately right next door to the grocery store. I was almost to the point of giving up and accepting my fate as an alcoholic.
[By the way, my father drank himself to death when I was ten years old. Actually, his funeral was 3 days before my eleventh birthday.
He drank a bottle of vodka(eww) in the middle of a deep south summer and sat in his truck in front of his parents house. He apparently passed out and fell back in his seat, where he aspirated. He drowned in his own vomit. I think there may have been a heat stroke mixed in there somewhere also, but I can't remember that well. Anyway, that's right, my dad went out like Jimmy Hendrix. I guess that's the only glimmer of possible coolness, if you call drowning in basically a puddle of your own vomit cool.]

So, I continued my flawed approach to the atkins way of life up until not this last weekend, but the one before. I decided to try a radical approach that I had never heard anyone mention before. Please stay with me on this. I know everyone has their own opinion about marijuana, and I'm honestly not interested in hearing it. I'm just telling my story of what may have saved my life.
So a little less that a year ago, when I took my layoff from electrical work, I cut all my ties that had access to illegal drugs of any sort. This was fine with me, because I still had alcohol to medicate with. Fast forward to two weekends ago. I was desperate to stop my psychological, not physiological addiction to alcohol. You see, it wasn't my body needing alcohol, it was my mind needing the ritual of drinking, smoking cigars, watching movies, blocking out bad memories and falling asleep within literally one minute of hitting the bed.
If I could break myself of that ritual and of stopping at the liquor store, I believed I could stop drinking.
I talked to my sister who knows a few high school kids who pedal dirtweed, and was able to round up a quarter ounce of the shittiest weed I have ever seen. Full of seeds too. A good reminder why I stopped dealing with all those kind of people. No business ethics in a drug dealer apparently. LOL.
So, I got my little bag and bought a little glass pipe to smoke bowls with(not a fan of joints or blunts).
You may not believe this, but I am now starting day 10 without a drink. The pot ran out on friday, and I'm fine with that. I've never been a big fan of pot(tends to make me lazy), but I thought it might help create somewhat of a mental diversion while I yanked the bottle away. It did. I still tried to follow the diet while smoking the pot, but for me that is almost impossible. The munchies are horrible for a low-carber. Cauliflower may as well have been plastic fruit.That jar of Pillsbury whipped chocolate icing didn't stand a chance. Shameful. Also, I noticed that I wasn't drinking water like I was before. I would drink max 2 bottles a day, as opposed to 6 or more before.
Anyway, it's all over now, hopefully. I no longer really feel any need for that ritual or whatever it was that had it's hooks into me.
I am also glad to say that every day I seem to be loosing a little bit of weight, and that's without even starting back on the exercise yet.

In any event, I'm back.
And I'm planning on doing it right this time.