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I'm starting to worry about myself quite a lot. As many of you know, I've been on the Atkins journey since October 2005. The first time around, I lasted 1.5 years, lost an immense amount of weight, and fell off the wagon due to severe depression (I was suicidal for over a year, so understandably Atkins wasn't my priority at that point in my life).
Now that I feel I've rebuilt myself, and my life, I've spent the last year or so battling with my weight. I'm back to my original weight of 170 lbs. I'll last a week or two, then just binge with the intention of restarting. I will restart, then I'll binge again, with the intention of restarting...and the cycle continues.
I need to break this, I know that. I need help. I don't know whether I'm just lazy and badly motivated, or whether I'm actually developing an eating disorder. It's not something I have any experience with.
I decided this morning to make a clean start. As I always do when I decide this, I've prepared meals for today and tomorrow - all entirely legal - I've made a zuccinni soup, and butterfly chicken breasts with a sprinkle of Mozzarella and wrapped in bacon, served on a bed of broccoli.
The only thing I've done differently this time is sit down and identify where I go wrong. And you know what? It always seems to be work. I COULD just give up my job, but maybe it doesn't need to come to that. I lose it at work because I give into temptation. I'd rather snack on a bag of chips from the vending machine than wait until lunch for my food. THIS HAS TO STOP! I don't care if I have to go as far as leaving every penny I have at home to avoid being able to buy junk at work.
I wish someone could just say something that would instantly make me stay on track, but alas it's all down to me and how much I want to lose weight.
My next hurdle is returning to the US in 2 weeks. I will be living with the in-laws again, which we've already established is the anti-christ of Atkins. So after I've identified that hurdle, I've decided that pretty much the only thing that's coming with me is my tupperware. I plan on secretly eating sliced meat, so that when it comes to meal time, I can just eat around the rice and/or potatoes. They like their salad, so as long as I get to it before they douse it in lemon juice (which I'm highly allergic to, things keep getting better, right?!) I should live.
I certainly know how you feel. Prior to my starting Atkins 6 days ago, I tried to start atkins 5 times, at least. It was very hard for me to start. Now that I have finally started and I am dead serious about induction, I can not lose the weight that I lost the last time that I went through induction 3 months ago (12 pounds). I do not know where I am going wrong but I am determined to do good and stay clean in induction. I know that it is hard for you but just think, if you can just get through the first 3-4days, i am sure that you will do fine. I was a sugar addict. Even now, I am not completely healed but I can do without it and I don't crave it any more. I am too worried about my weight and that is whats important to me. I learned with in the past couple of days that I have got to stop allowing food to control me and allowing food to determine the way that I look and feel. I had to take control. Only I am responsible for the outcome of how I look and feel about myself. You can do it.