I weighed in a couple of days ago at 160 lbs, and there I've stayed. I've not been eating properly, although I'm not eaten anything high in carbs. I really need to get myself back on track, but I need to get my mind functioning first.

The worst parts about our relationship being over are the fact that he was my best friend, and I've lost him. He hasn't spoken to me since he broke up with me (despite promising he would, as he has a lot he needs to sort out with me - ie. financially) but also the whole anxiety and fear for my future crap. I HATE the whole meeting someone, dating them, getting to know them palaver. But then again, maybe I stayed 6 years in that relationship because of that fear? I dont know.

My head is starting to clear. I'm still sad, but I think it's fear more than anything.

It's my brother's 21st birthday this weekend, so we have a huge party here this afternoon. The food is all carb-junk. Plus 50 family members will be here, no doubt asking me how Luis is and when I'm going to go back. That's going to be 50 times I'll have to explain the same thing over and over again without crying (hopefully)

I also spent some time with someone I called my best friend of 10 years this week. She invited me out to meet her so she could comfort me in my time of need, but instead, she spent 4 hours talking about how great her life is, and wouldn't let me get a word in. Aren't friends great?(!)