Something Important All Us Losers Need To Remember

[Pie4me]

Re: Something Important All Us Losers Need To Remember

Great post....

I see myself in much of what has been said in these posts. I have been battling
depression most all my life and am on Lexapro and Wellbutrin at the moment.
I have a really negative self image and tend to gain weight and then turn around
and loose it all, over and over because it is something I can control and I know
I can succeed at it (loosing the weight) without failing--something that gives me
power and positive reinforcement. But the routine is mind boggling and I know it
is not good for my body (or my mind). I had an exceptionally smart sibling growing
up that is now a renound doctor. Everyone praised him.....me, I couldn't seem to
do anything to get my parents attention. I finally started eating and when i got fat
as a teen...then I got my parents attention (negative) and it went down hill from
there. Hence the negative self-image I still have at 48. Everyone has their baggage
to drag around. This is some of mine. Thanks for sharing on this depression board.
It feels good to feel safe here.

Pie4me

[FattyBoomBatty]

Re: Something Important All Us Losers Need To Remember

Pie4me,

Just at you saw yourself in these posts, I saw myself in some parts of yours. I was on the same reginment of Lexapro & Wellbutrin for years. Lexapro was then changed to Effexor, since it was a more potent SSRI, but I didn't get any better - but I did get fatter.

And, like you, yo-yo dieting has been a sense of control for me. I would deprive myself of meals and junkfood, and be miserable in the sense that I was hungry, but feel amazing in the sense that I was losing weight. In my mind, I was on the path to transforming my physiquue into perfection, when in reality I was just losing weight to starve myself. And then, eventually, when I had gotten to a point that I had lost enough weight but not gotten any happier (and not achieved the level of perfection I held in my mind), I would reverse that behavior. I would binge eat, revelling in the sugar highs I got from junk food, while paying no attention to how it affected my health and my physique. And then one day I would notice how heavy I got, and then go through the motions again. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

I am still being treated for depression, and still struggling to maintain a correct attitude while losing weight on this WOL. Occassionally I will find myself daydreaming of the day that I reach my goal weight as if I would look, feel, and essentially be, this whole other person. But I won't. I'll still be me, albeit a thinner me. And I'll still have to deal with my "baggage", but I would certainly like to do it without regaining any weight and maintaining my health through this WOL.

And just to conclude, I have been having CBT (cognative behavioral therapy) as a new addition to my fight against depression. And one thing that my therapist has said to me is something I would like to share to you, and all who suffer from depression. "YOU WILL GET BETTER!" Remember, depression is NOT you. It is NOT who you are. Depression is a disease, not a part of your personality. You can live without depression, and you WILL live without depression.

And when depression robs you of that hope, come to this board and boards like it. It will help supply you with all the support and help you need!

[Pie4me]

Re: Something Important All Us Losers Need To Remember

Thanks for sharing FBB and all your honesty. Sometimes it is hard to "fess up"
to what we know in our hearts is true. At least we both know how the cycle works
with us---now just to get to a place where we have some control and feel comfortable
being thinner and liking who we are....Cognitive therapy is great. I went through
some sessions of that myself and at times still refer back to books regarding
it. Because of the sessions I do have an easier time locking in my thoughts and really
analyzing them for realistic thinking or negative thoughts that have no merit.
You are right, depression is a disease... It is sad that it still has such a stigma to it.
It is a slow, lazy unproductive person's disease. But most don't understand these
are some of the symptoms of depression. Keep up your therapy and let us know how
you are doing on your weight loss journey.

Pie4me
5'9
48 yoa
sw 168
cw 149

[FattyBoomBatty]

Re: Something Important All Us Losers Need To Remember

You are right, depression is a disease... It is sad that it still has such a stigma to it.
It is a slow, lazy unproductive person's disease. But most don't understand these
are some of the symptoms of depression.

Interestingly enough, Pie4me, I think the stigma that depression has is actually held most by people suffering from depression who refuse treatment for themselves. Depression is a cunning disease of the mind, in that it is able to actually trick you into thinking that its a part of who you are, and if you can't control a part of yourself, then you are weak.

So much of that stigma is actually being broadcast by the depression itself. Think about it. If you were jogging with friends, and stepped on your foot wrong and sprained or broke your ankle, you would need to stop and seek treatment, right? Well, what if one of your friends didn't believe you and told you that you were just sore from the jog, and that you should just get over it. Would you listen? Of course not! You wouldn't care what your friend told you because you knew that you were hurt and needed help.

But depression doesn't want you to get help. So when you hear somebody make an offcolor remark about depression, it sticks with you. You feel weak from the depression, and feel depressed because it tells you that you are weak. Its a devious trap that keeps you locked in depression. Thats why they say the first step to recovering from depression is to actually seek out help.

Now I don't go broadcasting to co-workers, strangers on the street, or even casual friends that I am treated for depression. But then again, I wouldn't do that with any of my medical history. But with those people who care about you, family and friends, they will hold no stigma to you. They may have a tough time understanding, but its not because they think you are weak. Its because they are watching you suffer and THEY feel weak in not being able to help you.....though they may try through "cheer up" and "get over it". HAving no experience with depression themselves, its the only thing they can do to try and stop you - somebody they care about - from suffering.

If you (anybody reading this) is suffering from any of the symptoms listed in the sticky threads, do not let the idea of a "stigma" deter you from seeking help any more than you would let the idea of a "stigma" keep you from going to the hospital with a broken ankle.

EDIT

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