Tweet
Re: Too ashamed to title my addiction...
You are very courageous for sharing your personal story here.
It is very encouraging that you are breaking the cycle of abuse by giving your son the love you never received yourself.
It is amazing that you refrained from substance abuse while you were pregnant but picked it up again after his birth.
His life has worth but yours doesn't? How can that be?
You are just like him - sweet, innocent, beautiful.
It sounds like you are in such continual pain over your past, you are embracing belief systems that are causing you a great deal of self-inflicted pain.
I too, came from an abusive background and experienced parents who would rather hit me than hug me. I too, experienced daily sexual abuse. I'm physically damaged
downstairs by the things that were done to me. So please
know that I am saying this from a place of understanding.
You have become your own abuser and you need to
do something to change that. Cocaine is a form of self-abuse.
Even though I was all grown up and those people were long gone from my life I still relive the abuse in my head day after day. And that created pressure which fed my addiction. Which was food.
It was impossible to build a hard core esteem with these painful memories in my head. Who was my torturer now? It was myself.
I recommend you investigate the philosophy of Byron Katie. Her method for resolving painful issues is free, easy to do, and cuts through the bs quite handily so that you can find peace.
http://www.thework.com/index.asp
I had to seek a release from this torment that even 7 years of therapy never gave me and I finally found one. you are welcome to contact me at geekessgoddess@yahoo.com if you would like to walk through a few of your issues.
You cannot change the past but you can change how you perceive your past.
You are very courageous for sharing your personal story here.
It is very encouraging that you are breaking the cycle of abuse by giving your son the love you never received yourself.
It is amazing that you refrained from substance abuse while you were pregnant but picked it up again after his birth.
His life has worth but yours doesn't? How can that be?
You are just like him - sweet, innocent, beautiful.
It sounds like you are in such continual pain over your past, you are embracing belief systems that are causing you a great deal of self-inflicted pain.
I too, came from an abusive background and experienced parents who would rather hit me than hug me. I too, experienced daily sexual abuse. I'm physically damaged
downstairs by the things that were done to me. So please
know that I am saying this from a place of understanding.
You have become your own abuser and you need to
do something to change that. Cocaine is a form of self-abuse.
Even though I was all grown up and those people were long gone from my life I still relive the abuse in my head day after day. And that created pressure which fed my addiction. Which was food.
It was impossible to build a hard core esteem with these painful memories in my head. Who was my torturer now? It was myself.
I recommend you investigate the philosophy of Byron Katie. Her method for resolving painful issues is free, easy to do, and cuts through the bs quite handily so that you can find peace.
http://www.thework.com/index.asp
I had to seek a release from this torment that even 7 years of therapy never gave me and I finally found one. you are welcome to contact me at geekessgoddess@yahoo.com if you would like to walk through a few of your issues.
You cannot change the past but you can change how you perceive your past.
]
Comment