How do you fix your mindset?

[jmprgrl74]

Re: How do you fix your mindset?

Thank you for your words of wisdom. I hear a lot about setting goals, for my business as well, so I guess I need to go learn more about it. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me because I absolutely know the weight I want to be and I can set smaller ones to get there but that's not news to me. I've always wanted these things - so what makes a 'want' turn into a 'goal'? How does that make the difference? I've always wanted, but it didn't get me closer to pushing myself to make it happen (which is my fault, I know - but I wish I could find the switch to make me really care and believe it will happen.)

[DigitalMocking]

Re: How do you fix your mindset?

There are a few things that turn wants into goals.

A want is any desire. A goal is something with a start point, and end point, and the plan to get there in the middle.

I have a goal to hit 299 by tax day (april 15th). I set reasonable 2.2lb/week loss average for myself, I've defined that I should keep my calories around 2200-2400 a day, take my vitamins daily, drink 6 25 oz bottles of water daily, go to the gym twice a week(tuesday/thursday), do yoga 3 times a week (mon/wed/fri) and practice Mixed Martial Arts on Monday night and Saturday morning. I also weigh in once a week, take measurements and progress pictures.

That's what turned the number "299" from a want into a goal for me.

[jmprgrl74]

Re: How do you fix your mindset?

Okay, I think I'm starting to see. So, let me try...A goal is to get to 145 by April 12th, when I go to Vegas. That's 11 pounds from now and I have 6 weeks. So 2 pounds or so a week. I need to do my elliptical (will push myself to do the little 8 week program on it) at least 5x week, do a some upper body and abs at least 3x week and NOT CHEAT. Oh, more water and vitamins too. So there is my goal and my plan. Now I just have to believe that if I do these things, it WILL work. So...what do you do if it DOESN'T? Those are the things that kill my motivation to continue and part of the reason I'm scared to even set a goal - fear it will make it that much worse on my moral if I don't make it.

[julirama723]

Re: How do you fix your mindset?

Jumper, you bring up an excellent point. What do you do if you DON'T reach that goal by a certain time???

That's why I have to disagree with setting "timed" goals. We can't control how our bodies lose pounds--we can only control how much we exercise, how much water we drink, and what foods we put into our bodies. Our bodies will shed the weight when they're good and ready, and all we can do is stick to the plan. Weight loss is NOT linear, and please don't set yourself up for failure by thinking that you will be able to lose exactly X amount of weight each week to reach your goal by such-and-such date. That kind of goal is nearly IMPOSSIBLE to reach!

I assumed I'd be at goal a year ago. Here I am, still losing, but rather slowly. It takes time, and it's different for each of us. What matters is that we stick with it, and celebrate our victories AS THEY HAPPEN, not if they happen on a particular pre-conceived date on our calendar. I think it's good to set goals that we have control over.

"I will exercise X times per week."

"I will drink at least X ounces of water a day."

"I will weigh only once a week."

"I will be thankful for what I've accomplished so far and will be positive in my thoughts."

Or, you can set minigoals for every 10 pounds or 5 pounds or 2 pounds lost. Put them in your siggy, and keep track of the dates that they occur. Maybe choose some non-food reward items each time you reach a minigoal! Look at my minigoals--I'm STILL trying to hit 170 (since JULY!) and I will just accept whatever date I reach that goal. If I'd have tried to put a time estimate on that, I would have been severely disappointed!

[Maxine]

Re: How do you fix your mindset?

Everyone is so right here. At the root of all of this, we are all so similar. Believe me, once the light went off in my head, somehow I knew this was right and the time was exactly right. I struggled for years. I've always been a size 8, 10 or 12. When the 12's starting getting tight, I had to do something. I'm 42 years old now and I know from experience that the older I get, the harder it is to lose the weight. This was almost a "now or never" type of mindset. I did Atkins about five years ago and lost 35 pounds. I remember the feeling of putting on size 6 pants and being comfortable. Even then I still hadn't lost all the weight I wanted. I remember the turning point (back to the dark side). Everyone kept commenting on how slim I was and how great I looked. It sort of freaked me out a little. I wasn't used to that type of attention anymore. I hadn't had a really cute figure since my 20's. Well, that night, I had a piece of pizza with everyone. That piece turned into another and so on. I quite almost immediately and gradually put back on the weight. Fast forward to now. You better believe I am basking in the success so far. I'm at a totally different place now. This is about me and my health. I don't want to struggle with weight anymore. I just want to live life and be happy. Weight shouldn't be such a big part of the equation.

So, reach down inside and find that inner strength that we all have. Do this for yourself. Being the best you can be is the greatest gift you can give yourself and those around you. You'll do terrific!

[DigitalMocking]

Re: How do you fix your mindset?

As far as goals and timed goals: I've never missed a realistic goal that I committed to. If I've failed things it's because i really didn't try to be honest, but julirama has a fine point, it's just different for different people. I like and respond well to timed goals.

[DuchessOfDork]

Re: How do you fix your mindset?

When I lost the first 50 lbs, it was because I wanted to please my (now ex) boyfriend.

A few months ago I decided to lost the last 10-20 because I'm tired of looking unattractive in my photos. I wanna be sexy when I have my pictures taken for band shows and photo shoots. I don't wanna look like the fat singer anymore!

[Zarabelle]

Re: How do you fix your mindset?

I don't feel qualified to talk about this too much as I have only just started again. The only thing I can say is that I am totally committed this time. I know that the scale can completely rule you and your mood and so after my induction period, I am only going to weigh in once every two weeks.

I am steering clear of any low-carb alternative products this time and sticking to real food. It has made a real difference as I have no real cravings.

I feel like I hit bottom too really. I had two babies in 18 months and so had no real time to lose the baby weight in between and then I had an umbilical hernia. I am pretty certain the reason I got that is because I got so fat (I carry most of my weight on my stomach like a barrel on skinny legs!). I had to show my flabby belly to several doctors/consultants and then have it operated on - awful!

I felt so low, ashamed of myself and ugly that I just had to do something and I finally took the plunge to change my ways on 20 Feb.

I'm sure you can do it. I feel having some short term events to aim for (holiday, birthday, party etc.) really helps me and this time I won't think I'm treating myself by going on a carb-frenzy on holiday, I realise I would be punishing myself and will stick to plan (maybe just have a little more alcohol).

Anyway, sorry to ramble on. Good luck xxxx

[FunnyActressInLA]

Re: How do you fix your mindset?

What a GREAT thread! Such wise advice! Like Zarabelle I don't feel I can talk too much about the mindset since I just restarted again BUT I can tell you what got my mind to get back on track...the feeling of being scared to sit on chairs! When I realized that I had gotten to the point where I myself thought I might break furniture I knew I had to do something and then I got some pictures emailed that a friend had and one of them I looked so huge I started to cry. I decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!! I guess my mindset now is that I carry that picture with me where ever I go to inspire and motivate me to keep going!

[FatBottomGirl]

Re: How do you fix your mindset?

I believe that for me - I just go sick & tired of JUST being...

I was really tired of seeing pictures of my beautiful family and wondering who the h@ll the fat person with the double/triple chins was-- in frumpy clothes. I was sick of being out of breath from being fat - I'm 40 something not 60 something and yet I was looking it - I wasn't focusing on myself anymore... Even in the simpliest of things to make myself look and feel better. It was harder to get back on track the second time around -- to be truthful it still is - however I have to remind myself every single day that I am worth it. I am now am trying to take time for myself.. no matter if its just a few minutes or few hours.

My family is going to love me no matter what I look like ~ I am still going to do great at my job, because I am good at it... But for once in my life I am going to do things for myself because I finally have excepted the fact that I deserve it.

[Smallerizing]

Re: How do you fix your mindset?

I gotta agree with Mellany -- We deserve better than being stuck inside this blubber and not looking and feeling our best. Appreciate who you are and what you want -- then go out and get it.

One way I used to keep motivated, and I'm trying to follow this again, is to remind myself what I REALLY want. It's not that chocolate cake, it's my thighs not scraping each other when I walk. It's not those potato chips, it's slipping my rings on and off at without greasing my hands and hurting my fat knuckles. It's not that fresh baked bread, it's the cute jeans WITHOUT elastic waist! I guess Evermnd puts it "keeping your eye on the prize" and that's so true.

The statistics don't lie: You WILL lose weight if you stick to the plan. You may be metabolically resistant and take longer than some, I know that because I am. There is so much help on this board even for "problem children" like me, ways to tweak the WOE or to find hidden stallers, etc.. You CAN do it. So can I. And I'm going to! Good luck and happy low-carbing to us!!

[Zarabelle]

Re: How do you fix your mindset?

This is such a great thread! Theraputic almost!!

[kate58]

Re: How do you fix your mindset?

For me the motivation to start was much like others here have said, I was sick and tired of being fat, feeling terrible in company, not wanting to do things that I really did want to do, not being able to buy nice clothes etc. I'd tried various diets before, though not for quite a long time. For some time before I started Atkins I had, quite honestly, resigned myself to a fat future and pretty much given up on any other possibility.

But a conversation with a friend made me look at this way of eating for the first time (I'd dismissed it previously, without any knowledge of it, as dangerous and unhealthy, which was all I'd ever read.)

Even now it's difficult to put a finger on what exactly changed in my head compared to previous attempts. A large part was that I felt so much better and lost so much weight so quickly, which never happened before. But still. On previous attempts I'd just cheat all the time, sneaking that little bit of something that "wouldn't really matter" or making all the worst choices within what was allowed. I didn't and haven't done that this time, but why?

Partly it's this board. In fact that's a major part of it. The support, the inspiration, the wisdom that is to be found here. But I think it was also the related fact that I harnessed a part of my character that can be somewhat unpleasant to the good this time that had always led me to give up before.

I am HUGELY competitive and driven to deliver, even over deliver, at work. To the point where I am probably a pain in the butt to work with - it's probably no accident that I work alone!!! Before, oddly, that deive to succeed led to me quickly giving up, because I was not measureably doing particularly well, couldn't honestly see success (ie being my 'ideal' weight) ever happening and therefore felt it was pointless to put in any effort if the outcome was inevitably going to be failure. I never take on tasks which I believe I can't deliver on. So I'd kind of lose the plot and give up very quickly, putting my energy, thought and time into things where I felt I was more likely to succeed.

This time I saw that people had mini goals. I set some, and it helped. Unbelieveably I'd never done that before. And I joined challenges, which let me focus on the goals I'd set myself in them and nothing else. They were measureable, time limited and I made myself set challenging but realistic goals. For me, with my competitive nature, it is next to impossible to put a goal out there where other people could see it and then fail to deliver on it - and I have no intention of setting myself up for failure. Secret wishy-washy or unrealistic goals that nobody else knows about would not work nearly as well for me. My belief that I could not really lose it all meant that in the past I almost always dieted in secret. If nobody knew I had a goal, nobody would know I'd failed to reach it. But it also meant I could give up in secret too. No good.

Between the mini-goals (for which I do not set time limits) and the challenges (which do have deadlines) I have managed to have a series of mini-successes, which have kept me going and going. At the moment the New Year, New You challenge is somewhere in my head all the time - if I am tempted to eat wrong, I just remember there is only 3 and bit more weeks to go on that, which is not much and allows no time to correct mistakes. So I don't eat wrong, I'm just not prepared to mess up that goal.

Now I know this sort of thing may not work for everyone, but if you look at how you are in other aspects of your life and try to harness both your strengths and weaknesses in your favour when it comes to eating, you are really focusing all of yourself on getting to where you want to be. Not ultimately (though that remains always at the back of my mind) but in a week, or two weeks, or next month.

If I'd set myself a target of losing 65lbs in 6 months, I'd probably have given up after losing about 10 - it would have seemed too remote, too unlikely, a target I was sure to miss. But through having a series of smaller goals, I've done it.

Little successes. That's really all you need to focus on. The big successes will follow all by themselves.

[Zarabelle]

Re: How do you fix your mindset?

Just a my two-penneth worth on goals!

I do think time goals are worth while (for me anyway) in so much as you think need to lose as much as possible by x date. I don't set an exact amount but for example I have two goals in mind - first one is a holiday on 20 March and next one is a school reunion in June. That will really keep my mind focused - I was a size (US) 10 at school so I really don't want to be a size 16/18 when I see my old friends again!

I guess it's each to their own but I do see a benefit personally x

[Smallerizing]

Re: How do you fix your mindset?

Katie, I think you hit the nail on the head for many of us. We want to succeed so we don't put our goals out there so others can see us "fail." That's why I'm focusing on the PROCESS this time instead of the OUTCOME, at least in terms of pounds.

We all know that our goals have "ingredients" we have to put into them, i.e. exercise, water, shopping correctly and on time, etc. It helps for me to be part of the exercise challenge and to say I'm committed to a clean Induction. Like you said, it's short term. More importantly, I know the "parts" of the equation will add up, no matter if it takes 5 months or 5 years, so I have to see the daily choices as my "goal" for now. I guess kind of like the "one day at a time" thinking, only for me it's one step at a time.

Atkins "didn't work" for me a year ago. But I wasn't using all the processes, all the tools. I wasn't giving or getting feedback from like-minded individuals, and probably missed something I may have been doing wrong. Starting in a big way posting and reading this board is just one of the "steps" or "processes" of becoming slimmer and healthier.

If I don't lose (again) I will focus on the next step. It might be a new supplement, cutting out artificial sweetener, doing a yeast cleanse, I don't know. But I DO know that my future steps WILL be in the right direction, not just whining and giving up. Boy, THAT didn't work out for me, 44 pounds bigger than my low weight!