Some People!!!

[superjane]

Re: Some People!!!

awww that poor girl.i feel bad for her,cuz she will end up getting fat again at that rate.

sounds like she might have some underlying problem and is emotional eating,because come on...a whole bag of doughnuts?!! why would you do that to yourself if you had lost so much weight and were truely happy? HOWEVER I COULD BE WRONG.

my dad is very much the same. he's always been a big drinker and eater. and throughout the years he has constantly been yo-yo dieting.i see him once a year at xmas,and by january he'll email me saying he's on a strict diet plan.and he'll lose weight.and then by xmas he's put all the weight back on,and is eating and drinking even more than the previous year. and i know for a fact that my dad is not happy deep down.he comes across as very confident and stuff,but he's not.and the food and drink is his addiction to try and feel good.

sorry...i went a bit deep there lol hahaha.

[cookiecate]

Re: Some People!!!

When I first put this message on the board I was so full of myself because I had lost 20lbs. I couldn't see myself messing up. Now I have messed up big time. I believe you are right superjane, I can't think for the life of me what makes me unhappy but I am. I must be as I sabotage every weight loss. I know that many years ago I was in an unhappy marriage. I am also aware of issues with my children that make me feel guilty. Unfortunately, I also have an addictive personality which means that although I managed to kick the alcohol I have never managed to deal with my eating. Many years ago when I roamed the earth as a teenager we didn't talk much about eating disorders but that is what I have. Food is my friend and my enemy and the only way I have ever controlled my eating is with Atkins, I have still fallen off the wagon.

[ssMarilyn]

Re: Some People!!!

Good grief Cookie, I think you must be my identical twin sister! I too, sabatage every weight loss. Thank God I don't get HUGE, but I still carry more weight than I am comfortable with and I usually feel pretty miserable about myself. Our problem is that we have a void in our life, and we fill it with food. We need to figure out what the void is all about and approach filling it the right way.

[cookiecate]

Re: Some People!!!

In a previous post you talk about your humour. I get through life with humour so I don't really know what the void could be. I have childhood issues but surely I am too old to still be blighted by being adopted. I also find that I have blanked out a lot of miserable things and only really remember the happier times maybe the nasty bits still lurk about, I wish they wouldn't cos I am really fed up with being overweight.

[ssMarilyn]

Re: Some People!!!

Cookie, I find alot of humor in every day things, but that's not my problem....I need more. I have a great husband, but he's very aloof. He's a police officer and that makes him even MORE aloof than most men. I thought I was the only one with a hubby like this, but then all of my girlfriends said their husbands are the same way...don't talk much, don't give empathy or ask questions about how you are, etc... they leave alot to be desired. So that is a huge void in my life. I'm glad I found out its a common male thing or I would take it personally. Now I just try to deal with it. I don't eat alot, but I eat the wrong things, because they give me a feeling of pleasure and satisfaction...and that would be dark chocolate, and alot of other sweets in general. That's my big problem, chocolate. Maybe if my husband gave me more attention, I wouldn't need to fill the emptiness with sweets.

[ssMarilyn]

Re: Some People!!!

P.S. I have a gf in England that has the same problem...an aloof hubby, so she eats to fill the void, so it seems to be a common denominator in alot of our lives?

[cookiecate]

Re: Some People!!!

I used to laugh when people said that men were from mars and women from venus but the older I get the more aware I am that we are very different species. Women feel when things are not right and ask What's wrong? Men on the other hand feel that if you want them to know then you would tell them. Men don't understand hints, so you must be straight forward with him and tell him what you want him to hear otherwise he won't understand. Men like straight talk.

We had a television advert for beer not so long ago. The guy was very quiet and the girl kept asking what's wrong? and he kept saying nothing. She imagined that he was about to finish with her, and went to her room and cried. All that was wrong with him was he was thinking about his favourite beer. I truly believe men are that simple.

Remember we only pass this way once and for a very short time. Make the most of that time and don't rely on hubs to make you happy it is not his responsibility. I can only imagine what being a police officer must be like, they really get to see the awful side of people and he must worry about you. He needs to leave all that behind when he gets home. I am very lucky I am married to my best friend and we talk about everything. That is why I cannot understand the void which I agree with you is deffinitely there.

[ssMarilyn]

Re: Some People!!!

I'm retired law enforcement, (medically) so I know what the job is like and thinking back, I was also very aloof when I was working. When you put on the uniform and badge, you have to turn off your emotions, or you wouldn't be able to deal with all the junk out there, but the problem comes when you get off work and you remain in the 'off' mode. It's really hard to turn it off and then come home and turn it back on again. I remember getting off work one night and sitting in the living room in the dark, just dwelling on all the garbage I had been living through at work...and my son came in the room and really got upset with me to the point that he had tears in his eyes and he demanded I communicate with them more and not shut them out. There it was...I was coming home and still kept myself shut down so that it affected my family. I feel so bad about that, but didn't realize what was going on at that time. I was absorbed in my job. Now I see it perfectly clear...and I understand how hard it is to turn the emotions on and off like a light. So this probably adds to my hubby's aloofness, and you're right, we need to find our own joy in life and not rely on someone else providing it for us. I do find alot of joy in my bible studies and talking with God, but I also need more here, in my house. I do have some girlfriends on the block that all come over on occasion and we drink wine together, and unload our frustrations... It helps, but it's still not enough. I'm a work on progress.

[cookiecate]

Re: Some People!!!

I am a retired psychiatric nurse and I know what you are talking about. I was fortunate and did not start nursing until my children were grown. To be honest I don't know how you managed to do such a demanding job and do all the other mother/wife things too you must be a very strong person.

You sound like you need something to fulfill you lets face it you spent a lot of your time doing a very important and demanding job you must have a lot to offer especially with your humour I am sure you have a story or two in you. I spend a lot of time writing, I forget my food addiction and time flies and at the end I have a finished product which sometimes I am very pleased with. I have actually written a book. I have never gone further with it now that takes confidence but I get a great deal of pleasure out of it and I can use so many of my past experiences.

[superjane]

Re: Some People!!!

When I first put this message on the board I was so full of myself because I had lost 20lbs. I couldn't see myself messing up. Now I have messed up big time. I believe you are right superjane, I can't think for the life of me what makes me unhappy but I am. I must be as I sabotage every weight loss. I know that many years ago I was in an unhappy marriage. I am also aware of issues with my children that make me feel guilty. Unfortunately, I also have an addictive personality which means that although I managed to kick the alcohol I have never managed to deal with my eating. Many years ago when I roamed the earth as a teenager we didn't talk much about eating disorders but that is what I have. Food is my friend and my enemy and the only way I have ever controlled my eating is with Atkins, I have still fallen off the wagon.

oh my god i totally understand where you're coming from.

its possible that you're replacing the drink, with food. you've replaced one addiction with another. the difficulty is though, that we have to eat to survive, whereas we dont have to drink alcohol to survive.making it extremely difficult to stop over eating.

after all,you would never give a drink to someone whos trying to stop drinking. nor would you give a line of cocaine to someone who wants to stop being a cokehead. WHY? because it would just set them off again.
UNFORTUNATELY food is one thing we cant live without. so its so much harder to control.you take one bite,and then you cant stop. plus its all around us, restaurants, fast food, supermarkets...

but at the end of the day,its not the food that is the problem...its whatevers going on deep down in your head to make you feel you need to over do everything,such as binge eating.

it doesnt matter if you are currently living a perfect life.things that happen in the past,stay with us. i think thats where irrational feelings come in. when for no reason we start panicking or something, we think we're being irrational, but actually its because deep down there is some memory in our subconscious that is making us feel that way.
do you get what i'm saying??

i really believe that in order for you to take control of your eating forever, you need to take control of your emotions. maybe start writing a journal and whenever you feel the need to eat you can grab your journal and express what you're feeling,and why you think you are like that. it might help you get a better picture of whats really bothering you.

anyway hunni, i hope this has helped. obviously i'm not an expert, and i dont know you personally. anyway, mwah

[ssMarilyn]

Re: Some People!!!

Cookie, I did the job and raised kids, but it has affected my health. I have a bit of PTSD, fibromyalgia and can't sleep at night. Seems that when it gets dark out, my inner-self tells me that's when I need to be alert, (because that's when all the bad stuff happens) so I lay awake most of the night, watching the Waltons or Joyce Meyer just to relax. I don't know if I'll ever be able to sleep nights again. I know alot of people who were in law enforcement or served overseas that stay up all night and it's something they never get over. But oh boy the dark chocolate sure does make me feel good!

[cookiecate]

Re: Some People!!!

I used to do some night shifts but thankfully I never got my body clock messed up like you. The night is an awful time to be awake. I know from my nursing experience so many bad things had happened to people in the wee hours and people like yourself and soldiers really suffered during the night maybe even having flashbacks of trauma or panic attaks.

Don't forget that chocolate contains caffeine and I often wonder if hot chocolate really should be a bed time drink. I was speaking to my daughter the other day and while we were talking about my weight problem I suddenly realised that I love to cook and that when I am cooking the need to eat goes away. Is it because I am providing food for someone else and that makes me feel as good as eating the stuff. I make jam to sell and haven't done much making during the winter but will start again soon, I realise that when I am deep in jam I don't think so much about stuffing my own face.

[ssMarilyn]

Re: Some People!!!

I normally don't eat chocolate after supper time because I know it stays in your system a long time. I meant to say I had some Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, PTSS not PTSD..whatever that is! I spelled that wrong. I love to cook too, and the only time I eat what I'm cooking is if it's chocolate chip cookies! I need to make it a regular thing to get on my treadmill after supper every night. I noticed that when I do that, I am actually more tired and relaxed when its time to go to bed. You being in your profession, you have an idea of what I go through, and I'm really glad to be able to touch base with someone who understands.

[cookiecate]

Re: Some People!!!

I think to understand peoples traumas you have to have been through a bit yourself. I found that the most natural nurses were people who had gone through tough times. If ever I need psychiatric help I always hope that I meet a natural nurse rather than one who only read it in medical books.

We bought a static bike months ago but found we didn't really have room for it, anyway now we have moved we have just the place so hopefully after dinner will be bike riding time. I really like swimming too but my dream of having our own pool one day is not likely to happen and public pools are just a bit too far away. We also have a smaller garden now so I can actually garden and not just be overwhelmed.

Woolworths have closed down here in England, I think you had them in the States they were the original five and dime shops. Because they had ordered their Easter Eggs in advance there have been millions of eggs going cheap in all the supermarkets it has been quite a chocfest.

By the way do you ever take herbal tablets to help you sleep, like Nytol things that contain valerian or hops are good. They help a little but I imagine your sleeping problem is a little more deep rooted than just a few herbs can help with.

[ssMarilyn]

Re: Some People!!!

No, I don't take anything to help me sleep except for magnesium and calcium. I'm also trying to retrain myself by changing my habits...by that I mean, cutting off the computer earlier in the evening, and reading before bed rather than watching tv. I also am trying to slowly back up my sleep schedule by going to bed a little earlier and then making myself get up earlier. If I could just shut down my brain, but as soon as it's dark and quiet, my brain starts to race. I have a couple of friends with the same problem and they take Xanax on a daily basis to help them sleep, but I don't want to start that.

Woolworths used to be a very popular store here in the USA. I see they closed all 807 stores in England, but then said one re-opened in the county of Dorset and is called Wellworths - or ‘Wellies’ for short. I just looked them up to see what their status was here in the US and it said: In 1997, F. W. Woolworth Company converted itself into a sporting goods retailer, closing its remaining retail stores operating under the "Woolworth's" brand name and renaming itself Venator Group. By 2001, the company focused exclusively on the sporting goods market, changing its name to the present Foot Locker Inc (NYSE: FL)

It's sad to see them go that route, but they must have been doing something wrong or they wouldn't have tanked.

P.S. what is a static bike?