I did it again...

**america57** · February 19, 2006, 09:56 AM

Re: I did it again...

You know, this is really interesting Stephanie, I had a conversation with my sister the other day, we seem to have some kind of block about getting below 200 pounds! I got down to 211 and started cheating after being perfect for 8 months. I have been trying to figure out what it is that going below 200 pounds would mean to me. I have actually thought I might need to go see a therapist or something. I'm sorry this is happening to you, but I'm glad to see that it happens to other people and not just me!

**Jasmain** · February 19, 2006, 10:08 AM

Re: I did it again...

Okay, cheating is bad yes, but owning up to it and dealing with it is good! Believe me, after yesterday, I can say, I understand how sometimes those urges just get to you deeply and can be overwhelming. I have a theory, and mind you, it's just a theory, so don't put much stock in it!

Maybe our bodies just get to a point where our mind starts thinking, why do I have to weigh 120 pounds to feel like I've accomplished my goal? I'm older now, my body just isn't 18 any more. I look good, I feel good, why do I have to wear a size 5 (or whatever) to feel like I've done good? A sort of mental rebellion against trying to achieve the ulitimate dream of being so small. I get stuck at times like that, finding myself thinking about why my goal is to weigh so little at this age.

I think our resentment of the tiny models in those magazines, the girls who wear a size zero that get shoved in our faces every time we open a magazine goes much deeper than we think.

That's just my theory, lol. Not a great one, but our minds play tricks on us sometimes, I don't think you have to have some deep seated reason for stumbling along the way. It takes so long to rid ourselves of the low self esteem that invariably comes with being overweight. Celebrate the victories and move on when you lose a battle. It's not the end of everything, and you look good hun! Celebrate that and take a few deep breaths. You'll get there, just keep plodding along, and I'll meet you somewhere along the way, with my own demons, just plodding along like the rest of us. It's a beautiful day, you're a beautiful lady. Don't let the rock you tumbled over keep you from following the path, there's still lots of good places to see!

**ladyinred** · February 19, 2006, 10:15 AM

Re: I did it again...

I know exactly what you mean Stephanie. I have the same problem myself. I do great, I feel great, I lose some weight and bang!! Hi ho hi ho it's off to cheat I go. I'm sure there is some deep-seated psychological reason why I keep ripping away my happiness so that I can replace it with misery but darned if I can figure out what it might be. sigh. So I'm starting over again too.

I used to always gain 2 -5 lbs the day after eating Chinese. I think it's all the sodium. Anyway, between that and TOM, most of that extra weight may just be water retention. So you might not be as bad off as you think. Hugs to you and me - let's get back on the wagon now.

**ttdriver** · February 19, 2006, 10:25 AM

Re: I did it again...

Time for a review:

http://www.atkinsdietbulletinboard.c...ad.php?t=17987

ON WITH IT!

Betty

**jsj0305** · February 19, 2006, 10:30 AM

Re: I did it again...

Thanks so much guys! I never knew that so many of us go through the same thing! I thought I was the only one!!! I means it's not good that we have these issues, you guys are right, at least we aren't alone.

We CAN do this and we deserve to do this. I just wish I knew why it is so difficult sometimes. One thing I thought about was the fact that I was trying to lose weight for vein reasons. I just wanted to be skinny for my Dad's wedding. I really think that may have to do w/ why I'm being this way.

See, when I met my husband 4 years ago, I weighed 165, and I thought I was fat then. I felt huge and ugly and unhealthy. Well, when I got to be 190, I thought about how much smaller I used to be. I then accepted my weight at 165. I'm sorry but 5'2 and 165 pounds is not healthy by anymeans, unless it's muscle..but that's not me. I jiggle. I need to remember how much I wanted to lose weight when I was 165. Maybe that'll get my butt in gear. Maybe we just accept being LESS fat, which isn't good enough. I want to be healthy. I want to be excited to work out..I want to be around for my son. I want all of those things and sabotaging myself isn't getting me anywhere, except where I started.

Thanks for the encouragement you guys. It really helps to know that you're not alone.

**BeccaResRN** · February 19, 2006, 10:47 AM

Re: I did it again...

Ok You know cheating is bad for you...you feel it...that being said I have messed up soooo many times I can not count. The true and ultimate key is to get right back on track, if I had always done that I would not be once again trying to reach goal.

Try to identify the trigger if any that made you decide to eat the chinese food...for me the smell of chinese is hard for me to resist so I'm best if we don't have it in the house.

sometimes me decison to cheat was because I was overly hungry and tired and I just said fine I don't want to cook/fight over waht to eat I'll just have chinese with you

so I try not to let myself stave I think my brain cells must be stunted when I am too hungry...eat a snack then I can make better decisions

AND lastly I gain 5 or more pounds each time I eat cheat with chinese food, It will come back off but for me it takes about a week to clear all that sodium, MSG and carbs from my system.

Good Job on getting right back on track...and try not to punish yourself...be sure you eat enough good stuff and know we've all been there

**2big4mysize** · February 19, 2006, 10:52 AM

Re: I did it again...

there ias a topic about psychological obesity and hiding in our fat coats gina posted ig you can find it in the stickies in the womens board.

**kelly94942** · February 19, 2006, 02:03 PM

Re: I did it again...

I'm sorry you're struggling!

Not fun.

Just be careful about using exercise as a "punishment" though... you said you might do some extra time on the elliptical tonight because you were so angry at yourself, and I just don't want you to fall into the mindset that exercise is what you have to do if you've been bad. Exercise is fun!!!

**Momtofour** · February 19, 2006, 02:32 PM

Re: I did it again...

Exercise is fun!!!

Please help me get to this point! LOL

I have been stumbling too. First it was the 200 mark. Now it is the 185 mark. I keep cheating and bouncing back up to 188. My body feels terrible when I cheat, so why do I keep doing it? I have found that I cheat when I have not kept the house stocked in healthy choices, when I don't plan ahead, and when I don't have easy access to snacks. I have decided to quit being lazy and get back on track. I actually took my Girl Scout troop on an overnight trip to a hotel water park last weekend. I didn't cheat at all. Planned ahead! Valentines day I ended up ordering dessert at dinner. You know because "I deserved it" Yeah, I deserve to beat myself for hours about it. I deserve to have gastric discomfort for hours. I deserve to put 3 pounds on overnight. We need to stop the madness! The cheating has stopped here for me. I know I have said it before, but I can not do it again.

**jsj0305** · February 19, 2006, 03:59 PM

Re: I did it again...

Kelly, it DOES stink!! But I do want you to know... I LOVE to exercise!! LOL! It makes me feel like a million bucks when I finish all my workouts. I guess I worded it wrong...I just ment that I was gonna kick my butt into burning off some of that extra food, that's all. I do appreciate what you are telling me.

No worries

Michele, you have had AWESOME results, and you deserve to keep them! I used to fail b/c of not being prepaired...butnot this time..I have a whole chicken COOKED ready to go!!!! And I STILL ordered! I know, I just completely lost my mind! LOL. From here on out, no cheats...we will be no cheat buddies!

**Pineapple** · February 19, 2006, 04:20 PM

Re: I did it again...

I remeber the month that I was supposed to get below 200. I couldn't lose anything for two weeks, I would always keep messing up. It finally came down to me begging my mom to watch me, and me throwing away the family snack foods! I'm still ashamed that I was so selfish to my family, but my mom understood and it did work, but I know where you're coming from.

**ciaobella** · February 19, 2006, 04:31 PM

Re: I did it again...

hey love

keep hanging in there....yes you cheated...but you have also thought long and hard about why you did it and how it made you feel and you re-evaluated your goals. This is great! sometimes it takes a cheat to wake us up and make us realize why we are starting/continuing on this woe and that bad food isn't worth the moments pleasure it gives us....

as for being afriad of a certian weight i def understand where you are comming from. I have always told myself, when my life is not going so well ,that EVERYTHING would be amazing if only i had a good body. I would instantly get the love and respect that i soo desperatly crave if i was a size four, and then i could love myself and realize my full potential....and i know this is wrong on SO many levels!!! but one of the reasons, which i hadn't realized before, was b/c it was acutally stopping me from losing weight. I was scared that if i got down to a reasonalbe weight and i still wasn't happy then i wouldn't know what do to...i also started to get scared that i would get donw in weight and still look horrible and fat and that there would be no hope......

it's sick but i think that a lot of times our wieght problem becomes a huge scapegoat for all the other problems in our lives and subconciously we don't want to get rid of that copping mechanism...b/c alot of times fixing whats really the problem seems a lot harder than losing the weight

i am always here if you need support!! and i'd wish u luck and all that jazz but i KNOW that you will succedde and that you don't need luck to help you

un bacio

**BlueSkies** · February 19, 2006, 06:20 PM

Re: I did it again...

i've been having problems since valentines day - you're not the only one!

i decided to buy my hubby this giant cholocate chip cookie sandwich (cookie cake size - like a large pizza) and that puppy was filled with icing - oh lord it called my name!

when he got off work i cut a piece for both of us, so he wouldn't feel bad, and by the end of the next day *i* had eaten the *rest* of that GIANT cookie! complete with tons of milk - oh my goodness. i went from 175 on feb 13th back up to 184 yesterday, down to 180 today, but the carb cravings are driving me insane and making me really mean.

now we have bread in the house and i can't leave it alone. i try and fail every time.

so i've learned that eating out is one thing - i can handle that. having no no foods in the house is just setting myself up for failure. there's half a loaf of bread left, with 11 grams of carbs per slice, and i've had 2 today. and nope, i'm not near the grains rung either, and it's not whole anything - just crappy bread and i feel like crap when i eat it but i eat it anyway.

it's time to grocery shop, and this time we're getting rye bread - which i detest so i won't eat it. no more treats. not in the house!

i don't feel guilty for not keeping bad carbs around - they're bad for everyone anyway -

and ya know, at least i could have cheated with some really good mexican - i don't even like cholocate chip cookies!

carbs are evil

jen

**Analog6** · February 19, 2006, 07:12 PM

Re: I did it again...

We are making big changes to the bodies we have got used to, even if we hated them and didn't really look at them. Of course it is scary. To bring that fear out into the open here is the best thing you can do. Keep focussed on the goal and constantly reassure yourself. This, too, will pass.

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