weight loss and divorce

[BonnieRose16]

Re: weight loss and divorce

Mindy,
Even though I have been with my husband for literally half of my life, and we have been friends since kindergarten, we have only been married for 2 years and have no children. This is why I am not going to try and give you advice. I don't know that i have any. However, since you said that you and your husband attend church, I am going to feel free to say this. I will be praying for you. I know that it is never our hope that we will end up in divorce. This has to be the most difficult decision you are making in your life. I just wanted to give you love and let you know that you will definitely be in my prayers (along with your husband and children.)

~~~~Bonnie Rose~~~~

[Mothercooter]

Re: weight loss and divorce

Its a difficult situation for some to understand I know. No there was never a spark there, I was overweight, had low self esteem and had been alone for almost a yr after my first sons dad decided he didnt want to be a dad anymore when my son was 2 months old. yes, it was my mistake for jumping into a relationship out of loneliness. Well, it was a horrible relationship for the first 6 months or so. He was controlling, abusive but my lack of self esteem kept me in it. Just when I had the courage to leave him, put him in jail and get out, I found I was pregnant by him.

We started talking again and got back together and got into church. He had changed for the better and was no longer abusive but still controlling to a point but not as bad. So, I told myself I couldnt do any better and we ended up feeling pressure from the church to marry since we were living together so we did and had a few more kids. Sex became something of a chore and I dreaded it constantly and was constantly pressured for it.

We do fight a bit lately since he knows I am unhappy because I have many times sat him down and been totally honest about how I am feeling but he doesnt seem to get it or care he just lays guilt trips on me. So when he feels Im slipping away he takes my keys and cell and hides them or something, anything so he feels he is in control of the situation.

I guess what I am saying here is its not that I am looking for some passionate romance because at this point, I would settle for being alone. I know there are those who are going to think bad of me but its become so emotionally tiring and I am tired of being made to feel guilty for wanting to be a person again. I am finally working outside the home making friends (which I hadnt done in the 6 yrs I have lived up here) and doing stuff outside the home with them and hes not liking that I am becoming my own person. I stayed after work for an hour talking to my friend one night and he called me every 2 mins accusing me of not being where I said I was and being with some guy or doing drugs, you name it. So of course after i got home I got my phone log checked, my cell taken and my blankets thrown down the stairs because I "didnt deserve to sleep upstairs with the family"

so its a little more than just not having romantic feelings but even if thats all it was that is enough I believe.

[LivinLowCarb2008]

Re: weight loss and divorce

Well, that's more to the story. And, I've changed my mind on this...abuse is a reason to leave. If he's not willing to change and treats you that way..hiding your cell and all the other things...he's very controlling and that's a danger sign.

I wish you courage and strength to do what you need to do. I will be praying for you as well

[Razzle39]

Re: weight loss and divorce

I like the initial advice of follow your heart.
Only you know how unhealthy your relationship is.

[BoxerMom]

Re: weight loss and divorce

You deserve to be happy. Good luck.

[Creek]

Re: weight loss and divorce

If you were my best friend, I'd ask you to get counseling. I'd also ask you to wait at least six months before you made a final decison.

First step - counseling for your low self esteem
Second step - wait six months before deciding

If you do those two things, you will be in a stronger place emotionally, and if you go through with the divorce, you are gonna need stability and strength for your children, because it is devastating to them.

[Mothercooter]

Re: weight loss and divorce

Yeah, I definately want to seek profession opinions of the matter and am not rushing into anything.

[LivinLowCarb2008]

Re: weight loss and divorce

With all due respect, abuse pretty much changes the picture really. He's gotten upset at her, and taken her cell phone, etc. If she was my best friend, I would want protection for her as well as she decided to leave. In her words...

He was controlling, abusive,Just when I had the courage to leave him, put him in jail and get out ifh feels Im slipping away he takes my keys and cell and hides them or something, anything so he feels he is in control of the situation.hour talking to my friend one night and he called me every 2 mins accusing me of not being where I said I was and being with some guy or doing drugs, you name it. So of course after i got home I got my phone log checked, my cell taken and my blankets thrown down the stairs because I "didnt deserve to sleep upstairs with the family"

These are the actions of an abusive person. It always escalates, and does not get better unless the abuser gets help. She has small little children that might see this behavior and that's not good. i am not sure how much thought this takes to leave him. Take care

[SueSue1212]

Re: weight loss and divorce

In the first post you did not mention abuse, and if you re-read mine you will see that I said if he is abusive--- GET OUT FAST! Physically restraining someone is abuse. Control is a precursor to violence. I have been married for 20 years and if my Husband were to ever try and control me he would hit the curb really hard, and then I would back the truck up. I can not believe that women put up with men that are controling and abusive for as long as they do. I did not mean to sound insensitive in my post, but at first you made him sound like a nice guy that you just could not give a chance, but if he really is abusive then other post are correct, GET OUT FAST!