negative posters

[poobears1972]

Re: negative posters

With all due respect, poohbear, I was a newbie to this board too at one time and I remember how it was to be a newbie just starting a diet to lose weight. But I also remember seeing responses exactly like or very similar to the ones Newbie101 has given. I have not written anything as Newbie101 that has not been written here on ADBB since I joined the Board. The purpose of the role play is to give the folks who think the moderators and others are being too negative and rude a chance to put into practice what they suggest/recommend.

I agreed I have seen those types of posts in the past. What I'm saying is when it happens walk away from the thread. Do not continue to dispute to the point it becomes a drama fest. If you offer help and suggestions and someone doesn't want to take them, that is totally their right. If you stick around you will just continue to create negativity. Not worth it. Help when you can but know when someone is probably just here to create drama and walk away from it, dont' take the bait. (have to remind myself of that one from time to time LOL)

[forbey]

Re: negative posters

[COLOR=blue]That's right it is MY choice. MY CHOICE. I don't need someone who obviously never read the book himself telling me what to do. Thanks but no thanks. .

Choice is a wonderful thing.

I have read the book, several additions and several times since 1972, in fact, and I'm re-reading the 2002 edition again. It is amazing how much new material you can learn by re-readin the same book more than once.

[COLOR=#0000ff]

By the way, I'd appreciate it if you don't reply to any of my posts here again. You've made far too many assumptions about me and I don't like it.

Stress has a terrible effect on the human body, I certainly apologize if I have contributed to that stress. I will certainly do may part to follow your request and not reply to your posts. However, my memory sucks and I might forget your name and respond to a post in the future. For that I will apologize in advance.

Good luck in Atkins,

forbey

[Farley]

Re: negative posters

/end thread...

[Farley]

Re: negative posters

[forbey]

Re: negative posters

Actually Farley, the discussion has now actually gone beyond the attitudes and into a discussion of how to fix it, even if fueled by ...whatever. Why kill it now?

[not2late]

Re: negative posters

Thanks forbey for playing along in this.

As you can see, no matter how nice you were being, Newbie101 thought you were a jerk for assuming she stuffed herself with food. However, one could also read that as cautionary advice, rather than an assumption. And once Newbie 101 thought you made an assumption about her food intake, that was it....she wasn't about to listen to you again. And I've seen cases in the past where a poster did post a nice reply to "don't ever post to me again" and that blew up into a big "I thought I told you not to post to me again!" type fight.

The bottomline is that we--moderators, old-timers, semi-newbies---do not know if a person has read the book or is really following Atkins (or really wants to follow Atkins!) So all those quotes from the book, all those "Dr. Atkins wrote"s, all those things are written in order to get everyone on the same page. They're not written to make anyone feel stupid or feel bad. It's to get everyone on the same page.

As for reading something as negative or rude, that's one of the drawbacks of the written word as opposed to the spoken word. When we speak, we can hear sarcasm, lightheartedness, passion, snottyness, etc. When we write especially on a board like this one, it's hard to "hear" these things. So if you think a poster is being rude or negative, try reading it again to see if it can be read a different way. If it can't, report it to a moderator.

poohbear, ADBB is something like a schoolyard: some kids get along, some don't, some play well with others, some don't, and some kids should stay as far away from each other as possible.

[not2late]

Re: negative posters

Actually Farley, the discussion has now actually gone beyond the attitudes and into a discussion of how to fix it, even if fueled by ...whatever. Why kill it now?

I agree with you forbey, if there is a grievance, then it should be resolved in order to make the board a healthier place, rather than swept under the rug.

So forbey was nice enough to play along and offered his suggestions to improving posting styles.

Anyone else care to offer more suggestions or recommendations?

[Carne!]

Re: negative posters

YouTube - You can act like a man

[forbey]

Re: negative posters

Thanks forbey for playing along in this.

As you can see, no matter how nice you were being, Newbie101 thought you were a jerk for assuming she stuffed herself with food. However, one could also read that as cautionary advice, rather than an assumption. And once Newbie 101 thought you made an assumption about her food intake, that was it....she wasn't about to listen to you again. And I've seen cases in the past where a poster did post a nice reply to "don't ever post to me again" and that blew up into a big "I thought I told you not to post to me again!" type fight.

The bottomline is that we--moderators, old-timers, semi-newbies---do not know if a person has read the book or is really following Atkins (or really wants to follow Atkins!) So all those quotes from the book, all those "Dr. Atkins wrote"s, all those things are written in order to get everyone on the same page. They're not written to make anyone feel stupid or feel bad. It's to get everyone on the same page.

As for reading something as negative or rude, that's one of the drawbacks of the written word as opposed to the spoken word. When we speak, we can hear sarcasm, lightheartedness, passion, snottyness, etc. When we write especially on a board like this one, it's hard to "hear" these things. So if you think a poster is being rude or negative, try reading it again to see if it can be read a different way. If it can't, report it to a moderator.

poohbear, ADBB is something like a schoolyard: some kids get along, some don't, some play well with others, some don't, and some kids should stay as far away from each other as possible.

Hopefully you noticed, I never responded to the angry comments. Actually, that can have one of two effects, either they forget they made them and move on to the sustantive portions of the response, or they get madder. I can live with either.

I had one, member take a, admittedly smartaleck, response as being offensive, and said so in a reply. I responded both in a reply and in a PM with an apology and that it wasn't my intention and explained my original comment and all was forgiven. It isn't hard to play nice, it is even easier to play not-nice. It remains a choice, not an uncontrollable act.

[forbey]

Re: negative posters

YouTube - You can act like a man

Can't get u-tube here, usually don't even try at home. Being the optimist that I am, I wiil assume, it was a totally complimentary item and leave it at that.

forbey

[Carne!]

Re: negative posters

Can't get u-tube here, usually don't even try at home. Being the optimist that I am, I wiil assume, it was a totally complimentary item and leave it at that.

forbey

It was a scene from the Godfather. Here's the transcript.

And yes, it is meant to be taken lightly; tongue in cheek.

Johnny Fontane: A month ago he bought the rights to this book, a best seller. The main character is a guy just like me. I wouldn't even have to act, just be myself. Oh, Godfather, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do...
[All of a sudden, Don Corleone rises from his chair and gives Fontane a savage shake]
Don Corleone: YOU CAN ACT LIKE A MAN!
[gives a quick slap to Fontane]
Don Corleone: What's the matter with you? Is this what you've become, a Hollywood finocchio who cries like a woman? "Oh, what do I do? What do I do?" What is that nonsense? Ridiculous!

[Grant]

Re: negative posters

I have been a member of this board for a while now and I also feel that there has been an increase in the level of negativity, especially in those posts giving advice to newbies. Other then a brief mention of this on my journal and giving a few people rep points for what I feel is both good AND friendly advice I haven't wanted to say anything because it is such a divisive topic.

After reading this thread though I wanted to interject a point about the subjectivity of "meanness". Yes the tone of an advice post can sometimes be easily misconstrued to sound much more negative then it was meant to be. Yes there are those that no matter how nicely you phrase your point they will take it the wrong way. However, if you are a person that finds that after giving advice you get told that you come across as rude or mean (or some other similar variation) you should know that for most people that is pretty darn rare and I think you need to ask yourself if the problem is that other people are too sensitive, or if perhaps you are too insensitive.

I do believe that no matter what message you are trying to give to someone there is always a way to do it in a caring way, if we decide take the time to present it that way.

[poobears1972]

Re: negative posters

Very well said Grant.

[Baylor]

Re: negative posters

Grant, I think you have summed it up perfectly. Even the best advice and information can be lost when presented with an edge. If you help people with a spirit of kindness, They are more likely to hear it and understand and accept the information.

[Elizellen]

Re: negative posters

My heart sank when I noticed the title of this thread when I logged on this evening, and the first page or so did get me worried, but I think that all the comments have been taken in by us all, so whether we agree with the 'tone' or 'briskness' of another poster we can try to accept that the response has been meant to help.

The 'role play' that not2late and others have been carrying out will I am sure make us all consider how to respond in the future to others

And has been said - if anyone's style of posting really does get your dander up you can always send them a reasoned pm explaining what about their attitude got your goat and maybe help them appreciate your point of view.

But do remember that if you post in haste and insult or are rude to a member even in a pm they can report you for a violation of our terms of service which could result in you getting a temporary banning, which none of us would want to have to see happen.

If I feel I want to do something like this I usually compose and reread/amend my message in notepad so I can refine and make sure I am not myself overstepping the line before actually sending the message or posting in a thread.

A little like the carpenter's maxim "Measure twice then cut once" I'd rather make sure I am doing my best not to upset someone or be rude to them before clicking 'post reply'

And of course there is the 'ignore' function if you really can't stand someone's posts.

To find that go to your 'User CP' - link at the top of the page - and scroll down to find the option 'Edit Ignore List' and add the username of the poster you want to ignore. You can remove them from the list later if you decide you want to see what they are posting.