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  • #1

    stupid husband!

    I just got married in July 2005 and I just found out that my husband got snipped 3 years before we met! His friend told me! I confronted him and he said he wanted to tell me but didnt. Before we got married he said he had a very slow swimmers and that he didnt really want kids, but maybe he'd change his mind. I asked him he got it snipped and he said no , just slow guys. so do I have a right to be mad? I dont know if I want kids but I want to be able to have that option... and should I be mad that he didnt reveal this detail before our wedding??????
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  • #2
    Re: stupid husband!

    and should I be mad that he didnt reveal this detail before our wedding??????
    LIVID would be how I would react. Ya gotta wonder what else he's not telling you.

    Betty
    [/IMG]

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    • #3
      Re: stupid husband!

      I would be sooooo pissed! He is messing with your head and future!!! You have no clue how pissed I got at him and I don't even know the guy. Who does he think he is going into a marriage in a VERY big lie. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH you have every right to be pissed as ****!!!!!! Sorry for the language in here.

      [/img]SD: January 4
      SW: 220
      CW: 191
      GW: 160
      MGW: 179 by 03/01/006
      female/34/6 kids:):icon_joy:


      "losing the weight is not hard, staying obese is what is hard"

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      • #4
        Re: stupid husband!

        Wow!! How did you handle that?? Heck ya you should be livid!!! I would most likely be GONE!
        BARB

        Life is what happens to you
        while you're busy making other plans!
        15.38 miles biking this year


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        • #5
          Re: stupid husband!

          Check the laws in your state. I would bet that'd grounds for an annulment if you wanted it. I don't think I'd be able to trust the jerk ever again. Good luck whatever you decide.
          46/F*/5'0/started 08/15/04
          *aka redneck girly hick

          184/130/128?
          16/8/6?
          I suppose I'm at goal!


          AUG 2004 -------------------------------------AUG 2005

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          • #6
            Re: stupid husband!

            dang! if it just hadn't come up & he had just not offered up the info I'd be a little lenient... but since he out and out lied when you point blank asked him I'd be pissed as ****... things can be done if you do decide to have children, and they have the bonus of causing him a little pain in the procces for being an ***

            http://www.infertile.com/treatmnt/treats/spasp.htm
            http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=vasectomy+reversal




            5'6" F 242/220(202 before thanksgiving, oops I slipped )/185

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            • #7
              Re: stupid husband!

              Ok since everyone else argued your side i'm going to take up his side for not telling you. Some guys get very insacure about this type of subject. He said at least that he had almost no chance to have a baby from not haveing "strong swimmers. Him not telling you that he got snipped could be from him being embarressed or just a bit afraid of telling you. Some guys have it set in there mind that when women have a feeling that there is no chance to have a baby it will ruin the relationship. Yes he was wrong for not telling you, but on the other hand it was also probably a hard decission for him to make, and he most likely felt very guilty for doing it. Its better not to hold a grudge over this sort of thing. If you feel really strong about it instead of yelling at him or not talking to him ask him if he would ever reverse the surgery if you both decided you wanted to have kids in the future. I would just look at it from his point of veiw before getting into a full blown argument about this sort of thing.




              Started March 18, 2008

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              • #8
                Re: stupid husband!

                You are kidding right?? They were just MARRIED?? The opportunity was there for him to fess up! He outright LIED! And this is major. A marriage based on lies is not going to survive, I am sorry.
                BARB

                Life is what happens to you
                while you're busy making other plans!
                15.38 miles biking this year


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                • #9
                  Re: stupid husband!

                  Procedure can be reversed. My friend had 2 kidlets after his reversal.

                  Doesn't discount your hubby not telling you, though. Work it out.

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                  • #10
                    Re: stupid husband!

                    A lie is a lie is a lie. Regardless of his reasoning, you don't enter into a marriage under the guise of possibilities that flatly don't exist.

                    Almost no chance is distinctly different than no chance in he|| because of a choice he made.

                    A surgical procedure by choice is nothing to be embarrassed about. He made a choice and should have had the cajones to own that decision.

                    As someone who's had a sterilization procedure done - it IS a tough decision, but it's certainly nothing to lie about. The bottom line is that he made a choice FOR YOU and he had no right to do that.

                    If she isn't supposed to hold a grudge about that, what exactly would be justification for a grudge????

                    The only reversal I'd be looking for after a lie like that is a marriage reversal. I'd be furious. Would I leave? I dunno, but I'd have a miserable time trusting him.

                    I'm so sorry this happened to you, pdueck. You deserved to be told the truth and you deserve to be able to make decisions for yourself and your future based on the truth. You weren't given that opportunity and I don't care how you slice or dice it, that was horribly wrong.

                    My Melting Page: A Picture Diary and Misc Other Stuff

                    Highest Weight: 243lbs

                    Atkineer since May 2002!!

                    *****************************************


                    General rule of thumb for success: If it requires a degree in chemical engineering to pronounce it, you probably shouldn't eat it.

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                    • #11
                      Re: stupid husband!

                      Should you be upset that he wasn't forthcoming with you? Yes. But I agree with Perry. Examine your options and if you can work it out with him, do so.
                      ~Megs~
                      242/141/160 (130)
                      dress size 26/10/8
                      5'4", Female, May 2, 2003
                      My blog:
                      http://mformiscellaneous.blogspot.com/

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                      • #12
                        Re: stupid husband!

                        Good grief. The guy didn't abuse, cheat or abandon her. Try to work it out, pdueck.

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                        • #13
                          Re: stupid husband!

                          I don't know about that Perry. In my book lying is right up there with abuse. And he did abuse her trust, cheat her out of the possibility of a family? This is big in my book. But just my humble opinion as always. I would be the one abandoning, Sorry.
                          BARB

                          Life is what happens to you
                          while you're busy making other plans!
                          15.38 miles biking this year


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                          • #14
                            Re: stupid husband!

                            Did he have any more of a reaction when you confronted him other then that he wanted to tell you but didn't? Did you ask him why he didn't want to tell you? How long have you two been together?
                            How did it come about that his friend ended up telling you about it?
                            I am so sorry you are going thru this when you should be in honeymoon happiness.

                            Lady Hawke

                            Attitude Changes Everything.
                            Just like the butterfly, I too will awaken in my own time.
                            ---><---



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                            • #15
                              Re: stupid husband!

                              Definitely talk it out without yelling and accusations. Talk.... and listen. No matter how the conversation goes, find a good marriage counselor. Things aren't going to magically get better, even if you're 'lucky' and the worse of your problems is that your husband has a VERY hard time communicating and obviously didn't have a hard enough time lieing to you.

                              Maybe he honestly didn't care about your feelings in the matter at all, but it could be that he really does love you, was afraid of losing you and was hoping (beyond reason) that you'd never find out. Um, yeah. Out of reality here and then he was still thinking more of himself than you. But in that case, this could open up some real communication if he's willing.

                              You're going to have some real trust issues. If you work through this, you'll need to be able to forgive him and fully trust him again someday.... and he'll need to work towards gaining that trust.

                              Good luck!

                              ~ Linda
                              5'7" Age: 42 Female

                              lowest consistent weight 143
                              up to 193; gained weight after baby

                              "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." ~ Aristotle

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