My BF likes me chubby

[Hope4me2]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

First...Don't ever let anyone dictate what you do with your own body. If you feel healthier thinner, then that's what you should be. If your bf doesn't understand, then perhaps he's not the one for you.

I was about 100 lbs lighter when I met my hubby 20+ years ago. Since then my weight has been up and down and upper and upper, but his love is steadfast. Right now he's my biggest cheering section as I embark on this Atkins journey. He's seen me get discouraged, but he won't let me give in. No matter the outcome of this diet, I'm certain that he will love me no matter what size I am.

I truly hope your bf will come to see the light. In the meantime, surround yourself with others who are supportive of you!

[BluegrassMama]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Hey cyberspacestar, your bf's demands sound like a real insecurity issue on his part. Could be he thinks once you lose the weight you want, you might find someone better than him (and from they way he's treating you now, he has very good reason to think that!).

This is *your* choice. It is *not* about him. I still can't get over the childish ultimatum he gave you--Stay heavy or no sex? Oh, please. This guy obviously knows nothing about women. If my hubby threatened me with no coffee, no bubble baths, no new shoes--I'd be all ears. Threaten me with no sex? LMAO

Do it for yourself, honey. You are worth it!!!

[D14965]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

If my guy was a "my way or the highway" sort of guy -- I would be packing his bags and shoving him out the door so fast his head would be spinning!. I was married to an emotional blackmailer for almost 20 years . Be very wary of men like that!

[Hoping]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

I wanted to add one more thing.
Please don't take our comments as lectures, because that's not what we've intended them to be. We just want you to do what's best for you.
And I have to say it was very brave of you to post it on a forum, because this is a touchy subject.
Best wishes.

[Tack Candy]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Take it from someone who has lived her life making others happy first - in the long run, NO ONE will be happy if you aren't. Don't live your life for someone else. It is YOUR life. BE HAPPY!

[Misnagid]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

How much weight you're carrying isn't a purely aesthetic consideration like a hairstyle or what kind of clothes you wear or whether you wear make-up. No one has the right to tell someone that they should do something to make themselves unhealthy because it's more aesthetically pleasing.

[Duinai]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Dear, if he FOUND you and TOOK you to live with him.... and BECAUSE of that he expects you to do everything and please him for what he did for you... as a payment... hmmmm.... something DEFINATELY looks like a red flag to me. Sorry.


Dui

[cutecourters]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

I just have to say...
If you get skinny and hot and your BF won't have sex with you, I'm POSITIVE you will find TONS of guys that will! LOL

[Lyssie]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Back in the 1700s being fatter was more attractive since it meant you had more money to spend on food. They also thought it was great to gorge until they threw up, and repeated for a few times during dinner so they could eat more.

I was with someone for 4 years... when I met him I weighed 145... when we broke up, I weighed 312... I found out later that when I went through periods of yo-yoing with weight loss, he was going online to find porn because me being smaller didn't turn him on enough... me being 312 pounds, and him telling me nobody else would ever want to be with me, or care about me did though.

I dated another guy during my weight loss phase... he became very concerned when I started going to the gym... We broke up within 2 weeks.
I don't think any guy's opinion is more important than your own. In the end, you have to be happy with yourself. It doesn't matter if anybody else is.

[owl48]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Wow....what a controlling comment your bf made. Its ultimately your decision how you handle this but I hope you really listen to everyones advice here.

It sounds like he's pretty insecure....worried that if you improve yourself in anyway you would no longer "need" him.

Best of luck....and keep on loosing that weight!!

[MaxsmamaDebbie]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Hi Cyber,

No one on here lives in your home and can tell you what to do. I just left my husband (we were married 2 and together 4.5) and he did the same thing to me when I tried to lose weight. I mean, he would put me down because I am fat, yet say equally hurtful things when I was dieting. He was an emotional abuser and basically, he wanted all the control, all of it. If you can get it in your head that you can get away from him safely and move on, then it may be the best thing. Also, there are whole websites for men who are chubby chasers so it isn't that "uncommon"--it is just his preference and he is demanding it within his rules. You are you and you have to make the ultimate decision no matter what.

Deb

I am presently a size 10 in jeans and I met my BF at size 11. I used to be a size 4 when i did the Atkins years ago and went off the diet and became chubby again. I feel like I can't move or walk comfortably when I am chubby beacuse i am only 5'2, so i decided to do the Atkins program again. I'm on day 17 of the Atkins and had 1 cheat. i've lost some fat around my waist and legs, and I feel lighter and can move a little better. My thighs aren't rubbing together like they were, you know? I don't think i lost anymore than 7 pounds yet.

My BF looked at me yesterday and said that he won't be as attracted to me physically if i loose more weight. He said he won't want to be intamate with me... He likes chubby girls... But I feel more confident when the weight is off because I fit into clothes better and can move better. He wants me to put the weight back on and I haven't even finished loosing what I feel i need to loose to feel most comfortable with my body!!

Now I'm faced with what i want to look like versus what my BF wants in a woman. i don't want to loose weight and find that he's fantasizing and looking at chubby girls in the mall and wanting them more than me.

Has anyone faced this when a signifigant other wants you to remain chubby?
many thanks, cyberspacestar

[CATBLUE]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

I hate to say this but many men (not all) who try to keep their women chubby do so because they like the control, they think other men won't look at their fat woman and they are safe. It's not the healthiest relationship...

I'm your same height and my husband married me at a size 8 jeans.. I've since plumped up to a 10/12. He comment, He wants me healthy so we can have a long life together.

Besides... would he change his body to meet your desires? Would he hit the gym and pack on a bunch of beef cake to become what turns you on..?

As said above.. LOVE isn't about the exterior.. Sure looks help but it's not what a life time together is built on.

How long have you been with him?
You do understand that dating is shopping for a mate? Shopping for someone who wants the best for you. Someone who will love you through thick and thin. (no pun)

A guy who wants you at an unhealthy weight because it makes him happy is not the kind of guy you need in your life. That kind of selfishness speaks to a guy who is not a keeper.

[CATBLUE]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Not to push... But Have you made any decisions?

[tyler90cali]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

DOnt give me that bs about love is on the inside without some physical attraction it will never work. How are you going to say its a bad relationship to say he likes his women big everybody has a certain way they like there significant other to look thats how it is no its not all about the inside once you get over that hurdle life will be alot easier.

[CATBLUE]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

DOnt give me that bs about love is on the inside without some physical attraction it will never work. How are you going to say its a bad relationship to say he likes his women big everybody has a certain way they like there significant other to look thats how it is no its not all about the inside once you get over that hurdle life will be alot easier.

Gee... What I said was..

As said above.. LOVE isn't about the exterior.. Sure looks help but it's not what a life time together is built on.

Not to mention Angelina Jolee (spelling?) has been divorced twice.. So looks aren't everything.

And sure different people like different physical types. I ,personally, like really thin men. In fact I married one.. The difference is I would NEVER look at a normal weight man and insist he diet to please my views.

This girl is being told that if she doesn't stay chubby she's out on her ear. That's not love..... that's lust, infatuation or ownership... take your choice. But when we love we may become attracted to our mate because their outside is appealing to us, but, if we leave them because they gain weight, loose weight, have a breast amputated due to cancer, or loose a leg in an accident then we never really were in love. We were just in it for ourselves and didn't really care about the other person. Even though I love my man thin I know it would be healthier for him to gain 10 or 12 pounds.. This is the same situation, it's not about what body type he fantasizes about, it's about her health. That shouldn't be overlooked so that he can have what he wants in bed.

Bottom line...Physical attributes attract a mate. A mate (man pr woman) who would throw you out for trying to become healthier isn't in it for care of you. They are there for their own sexual gratification.. and that doesn't last.