Would YOU be offended?

[Whatsername]

Re: Would YOU be offended?

I would take the clothes she gave you, put them together with some things you have outgrown, then tell her..."Thanks for the clothes, I added them to mine and will take all of them to goodwill tomorrow".

Everyone else gave you great advice. Is she honestly going to continue that way of eating/exercise for the rest of her life? No. And she will gain weight again too. You are doing something much better for you that you can do for life. There is a line in my Wii The Biggest Loser workout program that says...There is no finish line.

And Atkins is far less complicated than what she is doing. So, chin up and be proud of what you have accomplished. Feel confident in what else you will achieve.

[AJs-mommy]

Re: Would YOU be offended?

I would sell her clothes and buy yourself a new (and smaller) outfit. Wear it next time you see her and say, "Thanks for all those clothes. They were terribly big on me so I sold them and got myself a new outfit." Be proud of your accomplishments and know that you are changing your lifestyle whereas she's trying to get a "quick fix". This time next year you will look great and she will have gained everything back, plus some, because she didn't learn anything from this experience. Good luck!!

[Carne!]

Re: Would YOU be offended?

AJ et al, I would respectfully disagree. That's just as passive aggressive as giving her the big clothes. Either tell her, "hey, those clothes are too big for me, take them back." or let it go. I'd personally forget it. Maybe she was just being nice. Feel sorry for her for having no sense of tact and spacial proportion on top of being miserably hungry. You've already won.

[forbey]

Re: Would YOU be offended?

Donate them to the local Goodwill or church resale program. For those of us who recall being too big to go shopping, good big clothes are hard to find as it is.

I work at a large state agency where there currnnetly is an office "Biggest Loser" competition going on. Since February 09 I have lost a total of 64 pounds and never joined a contest, never walked around the office making "I'm on a diet" faces or complained about being hungry. Several of my closest co-workers are starving to death trying to win. On the rare occasion that they actually go out to lunch. I get a simple private enjoyment of watching them east side salads, crackers and low-fat dressing, while I eat double cheeze burgers (I refer to as neat... no bun, no ketchup) with mayonaise and or veggies with butter or a large salad with olives and vineger and oil, while they look like starving refugees waiting for me to turn my back so they can steal my food!

Why stress yourself out over their distress, and there is no need to rub it in their faces, your quiet success will do that for you without your ever having to be petty about it..

For me, I'm too cheap to go out and buy new (or used clothes) just because the old ones are baggy. But, there is a certain satisfaction in walking around in clothes that make you look huge, and then showing up in something 2 or 3 sizes smaller and having everyone notice.

As far as telling them about Atkins, save it for when you are closer to your goal and have a set of your initial and latest bloodwork available to show how healthy you are. Many of them are too stuck in the conventional low fat, high carb trap and will refuse to learn anything new. Just be thankful you had an open mind when it counted most in your life.

forbey

[ShannonM]

Re: Would YOU be offended?

Is it possible she's lost more inches than you, which is more easily noticeable? Weight loss notwithstanding, sometimes it takes people a while to see when we've lost inches and clothing sizes. She and the others may honestly not have noticed yet that those clothes are too big for you.

I know it feels great to wish someone ill in a situation like this, but you should be prepared for the (remote) possibility that she will be able to maintain the weight loss and look great. Don't pin your happiness on her failure, if you get my meaning. If you do that, how will you handle it if she succeeds? I would also suggest you stop announcing your weight loss to others. There's no need to telegraph how much you want their attention and approval. Just let the results speak for themselves, which they eventually will.

Congrats to you for losing weight the healthy way.

[Dryunderwater]

Re: Would YOU be offended?

I think it was quite a snotty thing for her to say, but she could be doing it is a "well-meaning" way.

For instance, my sister.....(insert sigh here) has an interesting mode of communication as well. She recently bought some jeans and they were too big for her so she thought of me and was like, you CAN fit into a 22 CAN'T YOU????? My response was, "I sure can, thanks for thinking of me". Now, while I know that was an inquiry into whether or not I was losing weight and how much and what am I doing, I didn't feed in, I just accepted them and let her do her "good deed"...lol....cause truth be told, even if I were a 4, I could fit in a 22.....lol....

Some people do build their confidence on the backs of others and then other people are just iggy and tactless without trying to be that way.

I think you should hold on to them, there may be something nice in that bag that could be altered to your new smaller size and who couldn't use more clothes...it's a recession!!!! :Hug:

[Carne!]

Re: Would YOU be offended?

I think it was quite a snotty thing for her to say, but she could be doing it is a "well-meaning" way.

For instance, my sister.....(insert sigh here) has an interesting mode of communication as well. She recently bought some jeans and they were too big for her so she thought of me and was like, you CAN fit into a 22 CAN'T YOU????? My response was, "I sure can, thanks for thinking of me". Now, while I know that was an inquiry into whether or not I was losing weight and how much and what am I doing, I didn't feed in, I just accepted them and let her do her "good deed"...lol....cause truth be told, even if I were a 4, I could fit in a 22.....lol....

Some people do build their confidence on the backs of others and then other people are just iggy and tactless without trying to be that way.

I think you should hold on to them, there may be something nice in that bag that could be altered to your new smaller size and who couldn't use more clothes...it's a recession!!!! :Hug:

Well said.

Here's one of my favorite quotes from Nassim Nicholas Taleb:

Your last recourse against randomness is how you act — if you can’t control outcomes, you can control the elegance of your behaviour. You will always have the last word.

[Farley]

Re: Would YOU be offended?

I don't know what I would do in this situation. If I had a bunch of clothes that someone gave me that I thought they would end up fitting in again, I might hold onto them for them so that they wouldn't have to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe when the time came. However, if I didn't have the space, or if there were other factors, I might not hold onto them. Just don't hold onto them for yourself. You'll never fit into those clothes again.

You could take the nicer clothes to a tailor and have them taken in. That would be like getting new clothes, and you would be doing a service to the planet, re-using old clothing. Obviously you can't do this with T-shirts and sweats, but you would be able to do it with some of the clothing. Plus, you get to get measured and sized correctly by a tailor, something I have been meaning to do myself. I need a new suit. I am swimming in my old "funeral/wedding" clothes.

[SugarFreeSheila]

Re: Would YOU be offended?

Only you know the dynamic between the two of you; but from my perspective, it seems doubtful your sister-in-law gave you these clothes to be insulting. I use family/friends as a filter before Goodwill when it comes to clothes, and it's likely that was all there was to her gesture.

These clothes won't fit you for long - if they do now at all. Sooner or later, she'll probably ask you how you're liking them. If she's the one to broach the subject, simply tell her the truth: you had to pass them on because they swallowed you, too.

[lannerjarv]

Re: Would YOU be offended?

>>Sometimes I have to pipe up with, "I've lost 38 pounds on Atkins" or nobody would say anything.>>

OK ... I don't have siblings so I don't have anyone to compete with. Seems to me that this is really all about some sort of competition with your sister.

>>I feel ignored and it is affecting my motivation.>>

Motivation comes from within ... if the only reason you're trying to change your life is so that someone will "notice" or so that you can beat your sister, then I think you're probably doing this for the wrong reasons.

It took my mother almost a year to say anything about my weight loss ... and while there were times I found it odd ... she also never said anything about my weight GAIN. That helped me to focus on the fact that outside comments weren't a factor in my decision to get control over my weight gain.

And ... welcome to ADBB!

Well said!

[meow]

Re: Would YOU be offended?

It's hard to be in your situation. It makes you feel mad, then it makes you feel guilty for feeling mad! Has she always been the spotlight hog, or is this a new thing?

I like the suggestion to keep her clothes in a a bag on your closet floor, as motivation to kick her butt in this competition, but that's just me. These things shouldn't be competitive, they should be friendly and fun. I always do better if my MIL or someone else is working towards the same goal as I am.

[Suzanne_H]

Re: Would YOU be offended?

Well... can't argue with your feelings. Fortunately, feelings pass and change.

My family is way dysfunctional. I like to say my family tree is chock full of nuts and fruits. Then again I decided a long, long time ago that "Normal" is nothing more than a setting on my washing machine. I have heard it said wee all do the best we can with what we have, and some of us just don't have a lot to draw on. We can choose our friends but ohhhh family... So I don't expect my family to be anything more than what they are, my crazy dysfunctional family.

I have identified many sources of support, none of them familly... first I have spiritual sources of support Who never fail me. I talk to God about this stuff a *lot*. Also my husband is a great source of strength. He knows better than anyone around me how miserable I was at 260+ pounds, and never questions my resolve. I don't count him as family. He's too stable to fit in my family. LOL The ADBB here has literally saved my life... I know there is no way I could have stayed true to Atkins without it. I've been so busy lately with school I just haven't had time to post, but I just love you guys.

Finally, I believe that my most direct and most powerful source of support is ME. I have to want this, really really really want this more than anything. I have to believe that nothing, absolutely nothing is going to taste better than the benefits of staying true to this WOE. I cannot think of one single cheat that was worth it, not a single one. Self-honesty is perhaps the sharpest and most powerful tool I have. Unfortunately it's a double-edged sword... I can lie to myself and believe it's gospel in nothing flat. To thine own self be true, right?

Fat clothes... I think I would thank the person who brought me their fat clothes then take them to the DAV or other clothing donation place. If I really feel the need to let off steam I usually do it here or in my journal. It's also fun to let it all out on paper then burn the paper in the backyard grill, just let the ashes and smoke carry it up to God, let it go. Try not to give power to what you think others might intend or think... it's a waste of time and energy.

What are your tried and true sources of support?

[Suzanne_H]

Re: Would YOU be offended?

Oh and one more thing... as I lose weight I am learning to look at how clothes fit in a different way. I always wore baggy, saggy clothes that hid my body. I continued to wear them after I lost weight and wondered why folks didn't notice. I'd put on an outfit that actually fit and hear, "Oh you're losing weight! You look great!" Do your current clothes fit? Just curious...

[CalicoPrairie]

Re: Would YOU be offended?

I think you are doing great. Nah, don't be offended, even though it's tempting. She can't possibly keep that 700 calorie diet forever and soon she won't have the money to continue throwing at her weight loss endeavor.

Keep on keepin' on, you are doing great. Come here for your encouragement!

[maxima]

Re: Would YOU be offended?

Although you can't begin to help your initial reaction to all of this, acting with elegance and graciousness really WILL be noted - eventually. As you reach your goal, people will remember that this other woman kept talking about her diet while you quietly just DID IT. That type of quiet action always is the action that is the longest remembered.

For some reason, sometimes some people have to lose a great deal of weight before anyone notices - and then all of a sudden EVERYBODY notices. I don't know why, but I've noted that before in people - very suddenly it shows up in a big way.

This might be your case. You might see it, your immediate family in your home might see it but others might not be seeing it quite yet - and then, all of a sudden, you will get lots of comments. Just let it happen that way, you will get more genuine pleasure from it if you don't try to force the words.

I pity that girl - she is STARVING herself and putting herself through untold misery and is doing no better than you are doing. Have you considered that she might be unbelieving that you could possibly have lost about the same amount as she has when you have not done the same type of suffering? Really, this might be so mind boggling that she might feel you are in some sort of competition with her, losing and feel sorry for you because you feel the need to say things that can't possibly be true! It really IS possible. The way out of it is to say not one more word. Just keep on keeping on.

One of these days you are going to be the one that gets noticed - it really WILL happen if you keep your back up and keep on with this new way of life. Try to have some pity for her - she is doing what people typically do when a great deal of weight is lost - they are going about it all wrong and will probably gain it all back plus some. If she keeps it off (and really, lets hope she does, that woman is SUFFERING), she STILL has to learn how to eat to keep it off. That is a job you have already accomplished.

You keep your quiet dignity and don't even mention it anymore - one of these days everybody is going to notice and you will suddenly get some astonished outside notice and the good feelings that come from that.

Until then, know that this is a "for good" way of life and you can only benefit. If you don't want to bother with those old and huge clothes, throw them away if that is what will make you feel better. Don't bother with them and don't bother with wasted emotions.

Just think of the great fun you are going to soon have in buying such cute new clothes in such cute new sizes - now THAT is where the good feeling and motivation should be coming from sweetie. Because that is what will last the longest.