My life as I know it ended

[2big4mysize]

Sorry for your loss :hug I hope you are able to get control of your eating again and become the healthier smaller person you want to be.

Happy low carbing

[AllieCat0817]

Pam, perhaps you are 'punishing' yourself out of sadness or just shock. Not having a daddy all of a sudden- I know EXACTLY how it is. You feel lost, where'd my dad go, etc. Losing a parent is NO JOKE.

You do not deserve punishment (eating foods that are bad for you). I hope you can get back on track and heal. Pam, keep the GOOD positive thoughts of your daddy with you- that helps tremendously.

[nikki_e]

You have my deepest sympathies.

I do not see how treating your body well and becoming healthier is being selfish. Get back on the wagon knowing that you are treating yourself well and that you will be stronger and healthier for you, your daughter, and the rest of your family.

I lost my mother in April. I know it is difficult, but life goes on and your father would want your life to go on happily and healthy. Do not feel guilty about living your life and taking care of yourself.

[Anna7494]

I am so sorry for your loss Pam. My mother passed away very unexpectedly from a heart attack at the age of 48 last december, and at that point i fell off the atkins wagon for a few weeks as well. I am only 23 and I also thought that I'd be taking care of my mother 30 years from now. Its very hard losing a parent, especially when it happens out of nowhere at a young age. I guess what made me get back on the wagon was knowing that my mother would want me to be healthy and do this for myself. And also because I want to be healthy and hope to keep my heart in good shape so that I can be around longer for my two small children longer than my mom was around for me. I realized it was something i needed to do not only for myself but for my children so hopefully they wont have to cope with losing me at such a young age like i lost my mother. I know your father would want you to take care of yourself and live life to the fullest and be happy. Just imagine that your father is watching over you and that you taking care of yourself and being happy will make him happy. Take care of yourself :hug

[Pam_C]

Thanks everyone. I needed to post that because it helped me. I have come to the realization that I have to go on. My feelings at the time were hurt and anger. I didn't have anything to be angry for so I ate the cake so I had a real reason to punish myself. Even now I feel it was ok for me to do that and I don't regret it. My father had 6 heart attacks and was always sick. He got a pacemaker in January and by all medical accounts was told he should have been dead years ago. The guilt I felt was for the first time in years he was doing great. I felt if I had been there I could have done CPR but talking to the doctor yesterday he said he was dead by the time he hit the pillow and we should all hope we go as peaceful as he did. I don't regret that cake or cookies at all. I have even lost 3 more pounds but today is a new day. I was in shock. I did'nt cry at the funeral and I was a pallbearer and watched them close the casket. I know what I must do for my health. I will deal accordingly. You see I also had a brother and sister that had not spoken to us in 14 years and had to deal with that. Dad would be proud of the way I handled this. I will celebrate his life. I am back on the wagon and will be for life. I am sorry I posted this here but needed to get it out.I guess I felt like I was the only one with this problem as stupid as that sounded. I have made my decisions and will live with them. All I can say is thanks and I'M BACK TO THE REAL WORLD.

[AllieCat0817]

Girl first off, you SHOULD post it here because this is your 'home'. Secondly, it needs to be posted because death is a part of life, and ALLL of us lose someone at one point or another. It's a relevant post and DOES deal with our 'way of life / way of eating'.

You were a pallbearer? Now THAT means you are a rock, lady! Wow. Like the dr said, be comforted knowing that Dad passed away peacefully. We all must go Home one day.

[ttdriver]

Pam,

:hug :hug :hug I am so very very sorry for your loss. My gosh, how sad. Grieve, allow yourself time to cope. We're here for you at any time.
My heart aches for you, it truly does. You have friends here, so lean on us!!

You're in my prayers, hon. Seriously. My dad died 11 years ago and I still grieve for him. We were so close. He had cancer and it was hard to see him suffer and yet I miss him terribly, even to this day. But he lives on, through me .. and I want to be the best for him. That's why eating the right foods to keep yourself healthy is the best gift you could give him in his memory.

When you are tempted to eat crap foods, just remember, your dad and how he would want you to be at your best. We love you, hon.

Betty

[soliwit]

Pam, really, you shouldn't apologize for posting this thread, it really was necesary at the moment you did and it really served it's need, I think that by doing so you litteraly saw what was going on with you and it helped you for sure.
We are all here to help eachother, in whatever situation, even at the point where you think you are the only one having that problem, at that moment you were !
:hug
I lit a candle for you, may it lighten your path even brighter

[Pam_C]

soliwit thanks for the candle lighting. This is my "home" and if posting this helps anyone I have done my job. My dad brought me into this world and it was the least I could do to take him out of this one(by being a pallbearer). I do feel soooooooo much better because now I have let my feelings out and really needed to and honestly couldn't do that with my family. I could have but it helped to be able to go back and see what I was feeling and the support here is MORE than wonderful. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. :hug :hug :hug :hug

[fawn]

I am so sorry about your loss.

Hold onto 3 things very tight

The memories of your special relationship with your father

Your own child

And your health

The third helps the first two fall into place in a healthy manner.

[ttdriver]

AMEN FAWN!!

I dedicate the rest of my life (eating and exercising) to my father who was always very active until his life ended at age 77. I miss him so, but not a day passes when, as I am out there running, I think of him and how proud he'd be to know I am eating well and exercising hard.

DO IT IN MEMORY OF THEM!!

Betty

[divaindubai]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I haven't lost either of my parents yet, but I know it will be a devastation once it happens. You have to remember that death is a natural occurence, we all have to go through it one time or another. But also remember that through your weight loss you are helping to have a longer life yourself, and also you are happier with yourself and I'm sure this is something your father would be proud of. :hug

[Jen111]

I am so sorry you lost your beloved dad. His memory will always be with you. However, the pain does diminish and I think the advice everyone gave you is bang on. Your diet and looking after yourself is something you do out of respect for yourself, your body and your dad.

Be thankful that you both knew real love. My parents and my sister are alive, but because of a terrible rift, my mother disowned me and I lost my dad and sister in the bargain. You can't imagine the pain of knowing they are alive, but that they have never learned how to truly treasure me or my family. The rift happened when my mother tried to control my life and split my husband and I up through a number of things she did. I trusted her and feel very betrayed. Our sons were just little guys. I had to make a decision to walk away. It was the most difficult decision of my life as I miss my dad terribly, but God has gone on to bless my family greatly in many other ways.

Pass on the legacy of love to your children and grandchildren one day...

[Pam_C]

Jen111
That was part of my anger. I have a sister and a brother who for whatever reason dis owned my father. I was angry to see them show up and have the nerve to cry about him. I made peace with my brother BUT my so called sister waited till the preacher began to come in and she sat down. When we were lining up as pallbearers she walked up to the casket, smirked, said huh and threw her head back and left. She came to our driveway that night and sat for an hour. Needless to say she sat by herself and no one has spoken to her. I lost my cool and yelled in front of the preacher to her. I said "go on run that's all you have ever been good for". I hope you can make peace with your family before tragedy strikes. I know how you feel.

[Jen111]

Pam, anyone who goes to a funeral and says "huh", makes me worry about that person. It is just plain weird - like she went to gloat - gives me shivers. I would worry about what she was doing in your driveway - praying curses over the family maybe? Cover yourselves in prayer. You can read my story at jenny.ws if you are in the U.S.

I am happy you made up with your brother. What a blessing. God has warned me and my family to stay away from my mother. She is actually dangerous to us and our emotional well being, let alone other things. However, I keep praying, as you never know, there is a tiny possiblity she may show some remorse, but up until now, she has not even tried to get a loving message to me through my cousins or whoever (I bet you can relate with regard to your sister). I just want God to sky write it for us, though, that it is okay to proceed if it ever is (however, I am very realistic and don't hold out much hope), because I am afraid. :-( I am also afraid my parents will die and there will be no reconciliation. Because of the rift, I very much doubt, even when my parents have passed away, that my sister and I will ever have a relationship. As an aside, mother totally ruined her life in my opinion. I escaped!