My BF likes me chubby

[MaxsmamaDebbie]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Based on my experiences with these kinds of men Hayden, he would hurt her. So DO NOT SHOW him. It will escalate him and really get her hurt.

Deb

Hello cyberspacestar,

How would your BF react if you told him about, or showed him your post.

Not any of our replies, just what you've written below. If your BF read your words below, what would happen?

[Hayden]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Based on your experiences, it correct? Is that what would happen to her?

Sounds like some thing unpleasant happened to you. Sorry to read that.

Based on my experiences with these kinds of men Hayden, he would hurt her. So DO NOT SHOW him. It will escalate him and really get her hurt.

Deb

Hello cyberspacestar,
Sorry, but maybe my post before was badly written. I am only asking you what think would happen if you told him or showed him your post.

I don't want you to tell, or show him.

Just, what do you think would happen?

Hello cyberspacestar,

How would your BF react if you told him about, or showed him your post.

Not any of our replies, just what you've written below. If your BF read your words below, what would happen?

[guekjian]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

I think Maxsmama is totally on the ball with this one...I too speak from experience...This is an UNSAFE situation, and no, we're not being hysterical women...it is the truth...She needs to get out of there and save what there is left of her self-respect...because he sure as **** won't leave her any...trust me...

[CATBLUE]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Yup... After the death threats and home break-in at 4 am... saved only by my dog... I became much more cautious about not reading the signs in peoples behaviors. My stalker did 8 months is jail. Luckily for me the time he decided to try to break in my dog went ballistic and tried to eat him through the front door.. Dog is 108 pounds and worships me. I think he'd have died before anyone touched me.

Prior to that I was married to a man who was basically a nice guy. There was much to like about him. But the signs were there.. He was a total narcissist. Everything was about him... thus he felt justified in cheating when I was hospitalized when pregnant with our son... After all I wasn't there to take care of HIS needs. Trust me.... HIS needs will become such that you can never meet them and then he'll feel justified in anything he does. After all it's your fault that he cheats, lies, yells and hits. I was lucky... he never hit me. But I think if I hadn't divorced him it would have been the next step..

I'm remarried now.. What a difference!!!

[misplaced southerner]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

why on earth do you want this to work out? i am just gonna go out a limb here and say that this guy is a bonafide, abusive control freak and get his kicks treating you like crap. you let him continue to treat you like crap. i say this only because i KNOW people like him and people like you and it does not resolve itself. you can't change a person but you can change yourself. i think you would benefit greatly by finding a good therapist and finding out why you subject yourself to this.....frankly, after reading this post, i am wondering if this is even "for real." it is way out there. good luck.

[sallyseachange]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Be very careful. Think very carefully about what you really need and really want to do.

[Jaded]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

cyberspacestar - your last post actually has me (and I'm 24, w/no real experience w/anyone like your bf) scared for you. You might feel like he really gave a lot to help you out and take you in with him, but if he did it for the right, genuinely kind reasons he would tell you you dont owe him anything, not threaten to throw you out just to coerce you to do what he wants.

and he SLAPS YOU IN THE FACE!! and "pushes you around". You dont deserve that at all. No one does, regardless of their past and who helped them out of it. He may have provided a place for you to stay, but you are the one who was strong enough to make the changes in the first place. Try to read your post from an outside perspective, honestly, it sounds like a dangerous situation with a very volatile bf.

Why do you stay? [not to be rude or cynical, i'm genuinely asking] what are the good parts of the relationship?

[Duinai]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

The "GOOD PART" is sex?? Jeeesus... I have nothing to say.

This whole picture is very disturbing.

[Hayden]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Cyberspacestar,

What do you feel your options are?

[MaxsmamaDebbie]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Amen sister. I know of what I speak as I have a restraining order in effect until this time next year because of a controlling a$$.

Deb

I think Maxsmama is totally on the ball with this one...I too speak from experience...This is an UNSAFE situation, and no, we're not being hysterical women...it is the truth...She needs to get out of there and save what there is left of her self-respect...because he sure as **** won't leave her any...trust me...

[misplaced southerner]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

i just have to unsubscribe to this thread cyberstar. i am not uncaring or unsympathetic but i have a very hard time when people put themselves into situations and stay in situations that at unhealthy and dangerous, ask people for their help and advice, and turn around and do the same thing all over again

ask yourself these questions (and they should be easy to answer of you are a member of AA)
is this man good for me?
does he treat me right?
does he hurt me?
does he make me feel good about myself?
does he RESPECT me?
am i a better person for being with him?
does he bring out the best in me?

you fight, he hurts you, he demeans you, he uses you for his own good, he threatens you, he holds the control over your head (i am gonna throw you out), ...none of these things are good or healthy.

choose freedom over being a victim. you do have a choice. good for you for trying to make some positive steps in a healthy direction but i promise you this, if you do not get rid of this person, you will NEVER be the person you want to be. i know this because...i too lived with someone who made my life a living heck. i am so amazed ay my life without him. different situation but controlling none the less....i would NEVER in my life allow ANYONE to hit me....not twice anyway. respect yourself and your life....dump him. signing off and out of here....again, good luck

[guekjian]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

DITTO!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

[Jaded]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

From your last post, the only positives seem to be that he took you in and is nice when he isnt angry... I know its a complicated and emotionally charged situation, but there are a lot of very people on here telling you what they see.

I can understand that him taking you into his home is a huge thing to be grateful for, but you can be tempted by fatty foods, drugs, etc, anywhere you go. It's your own strength that pulls you through those temptations.

You've made such changes to get out of those situations, and as scary as it may be, make the changes to decide that you are worth respecting, worth losing weight for, and worth it in general. Are you employed? You can easily find a place to stay, your own apt or someone looking for a roommate, and stand on your own. A friend of mine recently moved on her own and found a roommate and apt through craigslist.

It might be liberating, even if you stay with your bf, to live on your own. Would you consider something like that?

[Hoping]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

If this is a real story, I hope you read it before I erased it.
Good luck.

[MaxsmamaDebbie]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

You know, I have sympathy for this situation, but having just gotten strong and left my abusive husband, I just cannot be a person who will participate in this any longer. This seems almost fake it is so stereotypical so I am just going to leave it alone for fear it is or for fear this will get this girl hurt. Best of luck to you.

Deb