I Cheated!

[boonie stomper]

Re: I Cheated!

Isn't there a fine line with tough love? I think that is exactly what is called for.

If we aren't tough, cheaters will rest on their laurels and continue to cheat, as if it's expected of them. But too much tough, and they may leave the Board altogether, or simply not admit their cheating.
If we don't love, ADBB would become a cold, uncaring place, lurkers would wander off without joining, and those truly wanting support would be even more discouraged, which could result in more cheating. Too much love and the rose colored glasses come out that all is hunky-dory, no matter how bad anyone screws up.

First, discipline is required, but then a reprimand must be followed with a positive note.

[Heidi3]

Re: I Cheated!

ok that kind of scares me but ..as I said I am not talking about this anymore ...tongue is being bitten ....my opinion is out there ...we all know and heard it ....and I am still wondering what the helll is wrong with being PC????

but Boonie ...honey ...that kind of scares me

[Bren]

Re: I Cheated!

I do not even find it as discipline. I find it as reaching out to a member, and figuring out what is the cause and how we can help that member get through/over/around the problem!

Not abusive, not lambasting.......... reaching out and saying
What made you do that?
What were you thinking?
How are you going to think next time you are tempted?
What needs to change?

We cannot change someone, but I firmly believe we can help them change themselves. I know we can!

[boonie stomper]

Re: I Cheated!

Not everyone here is PC, that's the catch. Guess you have to tailor the response to the individual who has cheated, as well as according to the severity of the cheat, and whether it's a 1st, 2nd, or umpteenth offence...

[Heidi3]

Re: I Cheated!

Not everyone here is PC, that's the catch. Guess you have to tailor the response to the individual who has cheated, as well as according to the severity of the cheat, and whether it's a 1st, 2nd, or umpteenth offence...

I am tryinig here but my head just exploded from all those words

[boonie stomper]

Re: I Cheated!

I truly am sorry - I've got a big head of steam today having gotten my weigh today! LOL (got some dialog going, didn't it -hee )

[Heidi3]

Re: I Cheated!

I truly am sorry - I've got a big head of steam today having gotten my weigh today! LOL (got some dialog going, didn't it -hee )

you know I love you beyond reason right?? even if you are one of them?

[Bren]

Re: I Cheated!

I think all we are debating is "delivery" here.

Agree to disagree and as always...........respect each other. (insert hug icon here!!!).

[Lyssie]

Re: I Cheated!

Isn't it like one of those things they teach parents - you don't hate the child, you hate the action they're doing so while you're being tough, or yelling, berating the action, you're not doing it to the child? :P

[boonie stomper]

Re: I Cheated!

Exactly.

[not2late]

Re: I Cheated!

I think the "tough" part of "tough" love is asking questions that will make the person think about their actions. It's easy to say "I was so busy running around town today, doing errands. When I finally got some time to eat, I went to McDonald's and had the number 24 double combo meal and then I went to Baskin Robbins and had a triple scoop ice cream cone." But it's harder for that person to sit down and figure out why he made those food choices and what he can do in the future to make better ones.

It's okay to be supportive, but it's also okay to ask the tough questions. I can't tell you the number of times I've read posts like "I went to the Mall and I had to eat stop by the Bagel Company and eat a few bagels. Then I figured the whole day was ruined so I had lunch at Marco's---a big plate of spaghetti with a couple slices of garlic bread and for dessert. Then for dinner I had a chocolate fudge cake." Only to read a few weeks later from the same poster "I fell off again. I can't help it. This time I was in the park and the Good Humor Ice Truck ws there. Well, I just had to have a frozen goodie. Since the day was ruined, I went to Ma's Diner and had a chicken fried steak, a big bowl of mashed potatoes and a couple slices of apple pie with ice cream." And everyone responds with the usual "it's okay. you're only human." but no one bothers to ask the tough questions that will help the poster overcome these slips. And eventually, this same poster will post a "Atkins doesn't work for me" thread and leave the diet and the board.

Be supportive but also be caring enough to help this person evaluate their choices and their situations so they gain the insight to avoid these bad patches. As I said before, recognizing the triggers and developing strategies for them not only helps during the weight loss phases, but also helps during the maintenance phase.

[Sheshy]

Re: I Cheated!

Right on !!!

[dotsamantha]

Re: I Cheated!

Well said Megs. When it comes to this, cheating or not cheating, I feel like ineed to acknowledge my actions in order to be able to progress. To me it's not even about coddling anyone or scolding them. I'd rather take responsibility for my actions. That's how I learn from my decisions and consequences. If a person wishes to receive constructive criticism i'm more than happy to oblige, but if it's an over and over again thing and it 's always about making excuses and rationalizing what you stick in your mouth, than maybe it requires more than posting on a forum. The only person I have to face is myself in the mirror. As I said, however, I am happy to share my experiences so far with anyone willing to listen, but there's an amount of personal accountability involved as well.

[AllieCat0817]

Re: I Cheated!

I love this thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The 'I cheated' threads makes me just want to not post anywhere (it happens on ALL lc boards). Yay for this thread! And if anyone gets offended by the thread, it might be because they are the ones that need to take the advice.

[IrishIrish]

Re: I Cheated!

This is exactly the kind of issue that caused me to head for the hills and stay away for so long. The watered down approach doesn't work with me. I have to be hard on myself and know no other way to the success I've found. It hasn't been an easy road for me and I wouldn't expect anything from anyone that I wouldn't expect from myself. When I see desparation in the posts of members who are ready to give up, and more experience can show the flaws in their plan, why not point them out?

Guess I'll go back to reading my book and keeping my Atkins approach to myself. After all, without my own experiences here, I'd probably repeat my mistakes and not lost the weight I have. And selfishly, that is more important to me than tiptoing through the posts.